Question: Stroy: part 2!?
I easily know that I can't so my new destination is Washington!. I get my motorcycle and drive off!.
I stop at a gas station to fill up!. I start filling the motorcycle up but then it's quiet!.!.!. to quiet!. I drop the gas pump!. I get on the motorcycle!. and drive off!. after about 6ft away, i see the death lazer gun and it blows up the gas station!. The aliens look at me and im thinking OH CRAP! I ride torwards a large building at start driving up it!. ( new technology remember, its 200 years later!) glass shattering behind me!. I get to the top and stop!. I take two machine guns out of my motorcycle!. I jump off the building while turning in every direction firing my guns!. a aliens limping away so I shoot it!. "Ah! Danny!" I recognise that voice from anywhere!. My
"friend" who is in the police force!. "I'll get you after the wars over!. " A alien shoots the gun and she disinagrates into a skeleton!. "you'll pay!" I say in a loud voice at the bug eyed, no haired alien!. I shoot my pistol at it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This piece is ruined by a few reasons; lack of grammer, lack of paragraphs, there aren't always capitals where capitals belong, spelling isn't always that great, and there isn't a whole lot of sense!.
Quote; My "friend" who is in the polic force!. "I'll get you after the wars over!." A alien shoots the gun and she disinagrates into a skeleton!. end quote!.
Who disintigrates!? The alien or the "friend" from the police force!. Too much is going on all at once!. Danny stops at a gas station, drives up a building, jumps off, shoots a bunch of aliens, sees a "friend" (by use of the quotation marks, I'm guessing that this "friend" is actually an enemy!?) and there is not enough description!.
For instance, when Danny gets at the gas station, how does he know something's not right!. Everything being "too quiet" is not enough!. You need some description as to what should be making noise and why it's silence gives Danny the warning!.
Still, it is interesting and you shouldn't stop writing!. Ever!. Even if you get 100,000 critics like me, just don't stop writing!. Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com