Anyone care to read the beginning of my novel?

Question: Anyone care to read the beginning of my novel!?

it's some teenager b!.s
so if you don't like that
i would recommend you dont read it
ahaha
:D

http://www!.booksie!.com/young_adult/novel!.!.!.

any advice or criticism would be niceWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

It's a good start, Megan!. Gets right into the plot, let's the reader know what's going on and what's going to happen next!. Check your grammar in a couple of places: Mother, Mom, and Dad should only be capitalized when using the word as a name, as in "Mom was on a beach in Hawaii" but not capitalized when used as a noun, as in "My mom was on a beach in Hawaii!." The biggest things I can think for you to improve on are descriptions - put us in the place, what does the room like, the flowers, the clothing, the people, ie, Uncle Charlie and Aunt Bev were there!. He was wearing the same black pinstripe suit he wore to my cousin's wedding!.!.!. Things like this give the reader an inside view to the funeral and the people there!. The other thing is emotion!. Though you tell about the emotion Rachel is feeling, you don't show it very well!. "I felt like I was!.!.!." isn't usually adequate!. You need to show the emotion she's feeling through her actions, words to other characters, more original descriptions of how she feels - "As the service continued, the golf ball in my chest grew to a baseball then football until I though I'd have to disgrace Mom by running out of the room" is better (though not great, I'll admit) than "I had a tightness in my chest from trying not to cry!."

Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i like this, you have very nice writing!. also, i have a cousin whos writting a book, shes well into it, so i hope you dont mind me giving you some tips:

* dont make any type of plan for your writting (i!.e!. write 3 pages a day), dont make your writing forceful, when it comes to you, youll sit down and start on your own!.
* keep a "you" enviorment around when your writting so your unique tone and style of writing is evident in your novel!.
* many bestsellers come from UNIQUE ideas, plots, or surprising turning points!.

i really like your novel, so i thought i should give a few tips my cousin learned the long and hard way!. Though a few here didnt want to read your novel( which is totally OK) majority really appreciated it, so keep writing, and please post more if you would like to reveal further writing here, i would love to read it!. =)
~Hope it helps!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"The air around me was cold and the air had a stench that made my stomach tighten!. "

should read!.!.!.

"The around me was cold and had a stench that made my stomach tighten!."

It's decent for some teenage writing!. Obviously it's only about a page long so you don' have much character development!.

Though there are quite a few grammar mistakes I would fix!.

Keep at it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I loved it! I almost cried! It is amazing, and you should definitely keep writing it! I wish I could read the rest! You should email me the end when you finish!
There are just a few grammar mistakes like in the very end, Kyle says "We have to go live Grandma!." or something like that!. You should add the word 'with' in there!.
It flowed wonderfully and felt real as I was reading it!.
I can tell you are going to be an amazing writer because you writing in your own, real style!.
Great job and Good Luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's actually pretty good!. Just go back and re-edit it!. There are sentences that can be made into one sentence!.

It needs to flow and it does in it's own special way!. Otherwise it's really good!. Keep it up and don't forget to peer edit with a friend!. Another person might see things you didn't notice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Pretty good!. Just a little correction here and there, but it was pretty good!.
You should email me the rest when you're done!. Only bad thing is, I get pretty emotionally into my books!. I almost cried reading that, lame, i know!. But, you're writing is good!.

:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

it was sad and emotionally touching!. it would make a wonderful book!. it just needs to be around 800 pages longer!. i loved it though!. it wasnt my type of book, but i know that you will make a wonderful author someday!.

keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

skimmed it cause its late but your writing is excellent!. u look yong so do what i used to with my poetry!. take it to ur english teacher and have them skim it and ask for there advise!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I only read a little bit!. It was okay!. Sounds like many others books out there though!. I would also suggest taking out the second "the air" in the first sentence!. It would flow better without it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that was a very nice beginning :) keep writing!. theres no mistakes yet but there really wasnt anything extremely attention grabbing but of course most beginnings arent

good luckWww@QuestionHome@Com

I like it!.
Keeep it up!./
I love how u started!. :)

I'm interested in reading some more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it is good change the endingWww@QuestionHome@Com

NOWww@QuestionHome@Com

No ThanxWww@QuestionHome@Com

man that was good!. it made me cry! keep up the great work! :DWww@QuestionHome@Com