Position:Home>Books & Authors> Here's the first part of my new Novel. Date from Hell. Tell me how it is, an
Question: Here's the first part of my new Novel!. Date from Hell!. Tell me how it is, and if I made any mistakes!.!?
I grammar checked it, and spell checked as well!. How is it!? And tell me if I made any mistakes, okay!? Date from Hell!. Oh these the names Gracie and Greg!.!.!. Do they sound good togther!?
I was sitting in my 3rd period English class waiting for the teacher to arrive!. When my best friend Holly poked me in the arm!. “What!?” I said, sounding annoyed!. Holly pointed to the front of the class and giggled!. I looked to were she was pointing, and smiled!. “Look at Jenny cling to the new guy!. She is so pathetic,” Holly said and shook her head!. I smiled and signed!. Jenny was right on about the guy being hot!. He was tall and slim, nice hair, nice cloths, had bright Jade Green eyes, and a wonderful smile!. I signed again and saw Holly staring at me as if I just grew a second head!. “What!?” I picked up my pen and turned it over my fingers!. “You’ve got a crush on the new guy,” She said and grinned!. I felt myself blush!. So I cleared my throat and looked down hoping she wouldn’t see!. “I do not!” I crossed my arms and stared down at my desk!. Holly sat forward and yawned!. “Deny it all you want!. But you can’t fool me!.” Holly said and picked up her pencil and started to chew it!. I gagged and looked away!. “Do you really have to do that!?” I asked about to be sick!. Holly quit chewing and chuckled!. “Sorry!.” She put it down and opened her book, what keep her quite until class started!. As Mr!. Grime was talking about the Principle’s of Shakespeare, when Holly passed me a note!. Ask him out!. I looked over at her and she was smiling!. Are you nuts!? No! I passed it back to her, and she frowned!. She looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders, mouthing sorry!. After a few minutes, she tapped my arm and passed me the note, again!. Oh, come on Gracie! You’ve yet to have a boyfriend!. You need to get with the program!. I snorted and picked up my pen and scribbled down my response roughly!. What, so I can end up like Annie Owen! Her boyfriend got her pregnant, but baled on her at the last minute!. I passed it back hoping that Holly would get the point!. That I had no interest in a boyfriend!. And wanting her to stop nagging at me to get one!. I looked down and saw the note on my textbook!. Holly was glaring at me threw her lashes!. Annie Owen!? She’s a big fat liar you know that! She was never pregnant! My eyes grew wide!. I turned to Holly, and mouthed really, Holly shook her head yes!. We continued to pass the note, until Mr!. Grime picked it up!. “What do we have here!?” He said and read the note!. “These don’t seem to be notes for class!. Since you and Miss Thomas are having such a good time exchanging notes, perhaps I shale read it aloud so everyone can know what you’re talking about during my class!.” As he read it aloud, Holly and I slumped down in our seats!. And after he was finished, there was utter silence!. Then someone chuckled…then started to laugh!. I looked around, finally spotted who was laughing!. It was Jenny laughing her damn head off, as if she just heard the funniest joke!. “What’s so funny Miss Henler!?” Mr!. Grime asked while walking to the front of the class, and stopping at her desk!. She swallowed hard and laughed a nervously!. “It’s nothing Mr!. Grime!.” She said!. “Nothing at all!.” Jenny bowed her head!. The new guy chuckled!. “Would you like to tell me what’s so funny, Mr!. Phillips!?” He shook his head!. And Mr!. Grime shook his head in disapproval, and went back to teaching us!. While Mr!. Grime moved on from Shakespeare, knowing that we had no interest in the subject!. Now he was lecturing us about Stephen King!. Saying that he was the most popular Horror, Supernatural write of all time!. I couldn’t stop looking at him!. Sitting there as if he was a god!. I guess Holly was right… I do have a crush on the new guy!. But I couldn’t ever tell her that! She would be all like!. “Gracie’s got a crush! Gracie’s got a crush!” to everybody in school!. And that would be terrible! I would have to crawl in a hole and dare never come out!. Which I think that would make my little sister happy!. That would mean she would get my room!. And that was never going to happen!. The next thing I knew the new guy was looking back at me!. I jumped and looked away!. In the corner of my eye, I saw him smile!. My heart jump to my throat, and it stayed there for the rest of the period!. When the bell rang, I ran to catch up with him!. And when I finally did!. I saw that Jenny, who was still clingy, accompanied him!. He looked down at me!. I blushed!. He smiled his godful smile!. “Hi!. I thought that I would just introduce myself!.” I said and looked down at my World History book!. “Well!.” “Well what!?” I asked looking up at him threw my bangs!. “Are you going to tell your name!?” I blinked and grinned a nervously!. “Oh it’s Gracie!. Gracie Jones!.” I saw Jenny scowling at me!. I took a step back and my books fell to the floor!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I will try to help you out here!. The idea is a good one, there are just a couple grammatical and punctional errors that make it a little difficult to read!. I copied down what you have and I will put down my corrections in parenthesis's!.
I was sitting in my 3rd period English class waiting for the teacher to arrive!. When my best friend Holly poked me in the arm!. “What!?”( whenever you start a dialogue, you always need to press the Return button and then indent it with the Tab button so it very clear who is talking to whom) I said, sounding annoyed!. Holly pointed to the front of the class and giggled!. I looked to were she was pointing, and smiled!.
“Look at Jenny cling to the new guy!. She is so pathetic,” Holly said and shook her head!. I smiled and signed!. Jenny was right on about the guy being hot!. He was tall and slim, nice hair, nice cloths, had bright Jade Green( jade green does not need to be capatilized) eyes, and a wonderful smile!. I signed again and saw Holly staring at me as if I just grew a second head,
“What!?” I picked up my pen and turned it over my fingers!.< (This should end in a comma{ ,} since the dialogue is continueing)
“You’ve got a crush on the new guy,” She said and grinned!. I felt myself blush!. So I cleared my throat and looked down hoping she wouldn’t see,
“I do not!” I crossed my arms and stared down at my desk!. Holly sat forward and yawned,
“Deny it all you want!. But you can’t fool me!.” Holly said and picked up her pencil and started to chew it!. I gagged and looked away,
“Do you really have to do that!?” I asked about to be sick!. Holly quit chewing and chuckled,
“Sorry!.” She put it down and opened her book, (which) keep her quite until class started!. As Mr!. Grime was talking about the Principle’s of Shakespeare, when Holly passed me a note!.( This sentence is confusing!. I'd change it to, " As Mr Grime was talking about the Principles of Shakespeare<you would want to put the books name in Italics so we know its a book!.!.!.it is a book, right!?>, Holly passed me a note!.")
"Ask him out!." I looked over at her and she was smiling,
"Are you nuts!? No!" I passed it back to her, and she frowned!. She looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders, mouthing sorry!. After a few minutes, she tapped my arm and passed me the note, again,
"Oh, come on Gracie! You’ve yet to have a boyfriend!. You need to get with the program!." I snorted and picked up my pen and scribbled down my response roughly,
"What, so I can end up like Annie Owen! Her boyfriend got her pregnant, but (bailed) on her at the last minute!." I passed it back hoping that Holly would get the point( :)That I had no interest in a boyfriend!. And (that I ) want(ed) her to stop nagging me to get one!. I looked down and saw the note on my textbook!. Holly was glaring at me threw her lashes,
" Annie Owen!? She’s a big fat liar you know that! She was never pregnant!" My eyes grew wide!. I turned to Holly, and mouthed really!?, Holly shook her head yes!. We continued to pass the note, until Mr!. Grime picked it up,
“What do we have here!?” He said and read the note!. “These don’t seem to be notes for class!. Since you and Miss Thomas are having such a good time exchanging notes, perhaps I (shall) read it aloud so everyone can know what you’re talking about during my class!.” As he read it aloud, Holly and I slumped down in our seats!. And after he was finished, there was utter silence!. Then someone chuckled…then started to laugh!. I looked around, finally spott(ing!.!.!.remember not to change the tense! It is usually easier to stay in present tense) who was laughing!. It was Jenny laughing her damn head off, as if she just heard the funniest joke,
“What’s so funny Miss Henler!?” Mr!. Grime asked while walking to the front of the class, and stopping at her desk!. She swallowed hard and laughed a nervously,
“It’s nothing Mr!. Grime!.” She said!. “Nothing at all!.” Jenny bowed her head!. The new guy chuckled,
“Would you like to tell me what’s so funny, Mr!. Phillips!?” He shook his head!. And Mr!. Grime shook his head in disapproval, and went back to teaching us!. While Mr!. Grime moved on from Shakespeare, knowing that we had no interest in the subject!. Now he was lecturing us about Stephen King!.( These last two sentences don't make sense together!. How about, " Mr Grime knew we had no interest in Shakespeare so he moved on to Stephen King who, according to him, was the most popular horror author of all time!.") I couldn’t stop looking at him!.( saying him right after talking about Mr Grimes makes it look like she was oggling Mr Grime, which I doubt you wanted to say!. say the "guy" or new guy" or introduce the name so the reader doesn't get confused!.) Sitting there as if he was a god!. I guess Holly was right… I do have a crush on the new guy( him!.!.If you used " new guy" or "guy" before!.!.!.it would make sense to use "him" now)!. But I couldn’t ever tell her that! She would be all like,
“Gracie’s got a crush! Gracie’s got a crush!” to everybody in school!. And that would be terrible! I would have to crawl in a hole and( adding dare makes it seem like she would want to come out of the hole, and I think you are trying to say she wouldn't if you were that embarrassed right!?) never come out!. Which I think that would make my little sister happy!.( Did you introduce your sister before this!? If not, try to introduce her in another way, otherwise this sentence comes from left field!. Maybe even take out this part all together!.!.!.I think the reader would understand by now that Holly knowing Gracie had a crush would be very terrible!.!.hehe) That would mean she would get my room!. And that was never going to happen!. The next thing I knew the new guy was looking back at me!. I jumped and looked away!. In the corner of my eye, I saw him smile!. My heart jump to my throat, and it stayed there for the rest of the period!. When the bell rang, I ran to catch up with him!. And when I finally did!. I saw that Jenny, who was still clingy, accompanied him!. He looked down at me!. I blushed!. He smiled his godful( I'm not sure if this is a real adjective!.!.!.but if spell check said it was ok!.!.then ok!.!.lol) smile,
“Hi!. I thought that I would just introduce myself!.” I said and looked down at my World History book!.
“Well!?” ,
“Well what!?” I asked looking up at him threw( through) my bangs!. “Are you going to tell your name!?” I blinked and grinned a nervously,
“Oh it’s Gracie!. Gracie Jones!.” I saw Jenny scowling at me!. I took a step back and my books fell to the floor!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Eh!. Every book is like that; girl meets guy!. They fall in love!. Blah!.
You have a lot of errors (gramatically, capitalization, sentences not completed, spelling!.!.!.)
Read it over again and fix them!. Then repost it so we can actually read some of it!Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's great i dont think u made ant errorsWww@QuestionHome@Com
You had grammar and syntax issues!. Everything was very short and simple!.!.!.and boring!. also, use better diction and choose different words besides 'look' and 'said' all the time!.Www@QuestionHome@Com