Would this be a good first chapter for my book??????

Question: Would this be a good first chapter for my book!?!?!?!?!?!?

ok well i am writing a book and the first chapter doesnt fit in here email me if you want me to send it to youWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

For more feedback you could post it on a writing site!. I've been using chapteread!.com and really like it!. If you post it I will be willing to look at it and I'm sure other writers will be too!. There's some great work posted already!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I e-mailed you!.
You can add details to your questions, by the way - as many as you need!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

ok, i emailed you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Number one mistake when writing in first person!.

"I tried to cover the most oblivous answer thats showed on my face!.!.!."

When you (the character who is "I") are communicating with others, you can not see the expression on your own face so how can you cover the oblivious face!. You can not tell us, the readers, "that showed on my face!." Instead tell the readers how you feel, be descriptive!.Www@QuestionHome@Com