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Question: How's this for only 100 words!?
My local newspaper is having a fiction writing contest for any type of fiction story imaginable, open to anyone in the area!. The only catch is your story cannot be longer than 100 words, which is pretty hilarious!. Here's my entry!. Think I've got a shot!?
EDIT: I hope some people catch the references!.
Somewhat later than usual on a bright hot August morning, a blunt beam of light, fuzzy with its glaze of dust, presses impishly through the diabolically unshaded border regions of the bedroom window of one Tommie Pinchin, a young gentleman whose parents can seldom characterize without the words ‘apathetic’ or ‘recluse’ emerging, and slashes a terrible white grin across the student’s dozing eyelids!. Tommie stirs, thrust awake!. Contact has been made, a shining from across the sky!. The beam lies satisfied!. As Tommie muddles for his glasses and groans out of bed, it creeps away, out and under the doorcrack!.
Word count: 100!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I disagree with all the answerers who say the first sentence is too long!. Just so you know (you probably already do) it isn't a runon!. It is a complete albeit longer than average sentence!. I read it twice just to be sure!.
And although it isn't conventional, who cares!? I just read a published (traditionally published) book written without a single period -- 60 some odd stories of the final thoughts of a severed head, starting in the middle of a sentence and ending in the middle of a sentence -- imagine the dismay of yahoo!answerers to THAT book! The horror!
My biggest gripe is that "somewhat" is a weak first word!. I would slash it, start with "Later" and towards the end put "!.!.!.a young gentleman whose parents can seldom characterize HIM without the words 'apathetic' or 'recluse' emerging!.!.!." since it doesn't make sense otherwise!.
Congrats on getting the wordcount exact!. 10 points for style!.
I also wanted to add, a period serves a different function in fiction than it does in any other style of writing!. Creative fragments, etc!. exist in fiction because a period does not necessarily seperate complete thoughts in fiction, it may serve merely as a pacing device!. The author felt the pacing was better with commas!. The sentence isn't hard to understand if you have an above 3rd-grade reading comprehension ability!.
It's a stylistic decision and don't give me thumbs down because your style is different (that doesn't make it the be-all-end-all style!. Are you telling me Bradbury and Adams didn't deserve the credit they've recieved over the years because their styles are different from Hemingway's!?)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I know you don't want to coddle the reader, but listen to the good people of Yahoo Answers: the first sentence is excessively long and though it's not quite a run-on, it's pretty close to becoming one, which is what I'm writing right now just so you can see how much it detracts from the overall passage!.
Break the first sentence down!. Cut down on the eloquence!. Remember, with only a hundred words, writing something *simple* but meaningful will have a big impact!.
Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The first sentence is WAYY to long!. Can you say runon!?
Break it up a bit!. Get rid of the word "bright", i don't think it works well!.
Coddling!? Your first sentence sounds overbearing and pretentious!. If you give that piece to an editor, they will tell you the same exact thing!. Cut it down!. You're not Faulkner!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
what, is it harry potter with the ford angela out his window!? or aliens or something!?
and ya, it took me a couple tries to read that first part, kind of weird, too longWww@QuestionHome@Com
the first sentence is far too long you need to one or two full stops in it somewhere!. get rid of 'bright' it doesn't go 'hot august' is fine no need for bright!. apart from that its good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really like it!. You get the feel of what's going on, and it's a really interesting 100 words!. Good stuff!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's good, but you are using way to many adjectives and the first sentence is way too long!. Too wordy!. Good luck though !.!.make a few simple changes
Somewhat later than usual on a bright hot August morning, a beam of light, presses impishly through the unshaded border regions of the bedroom window!. Tommie Pinchin, a young gentleman whose parents can seldom characterize without the words ‘apathetic’ or ‘recluse’ emerges, and slashes a terrible white grin across the student’s dozing eyelids!. Tommie stirs, thrust awake!. Contact has been made, a shining from across the sky!. The beam lies satisfied!. As Tommie muddles for his glasses and groans out of bed, it creeps away, out and under the door crack!.
I hope this helped!.!.!.good luck to youWww@QuestionHome@Com