Sorry but it messed up on the paragraphs so they werent indented!.
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Position:Home>Books & Authors> Is this an intesting start for a necromancer story?Question: Is this an intesting start for a necromancer story!? Sorry but it messed up on the paragraphs so they werent indented!.
http://deathsdisciple!.blog!.com/3229288/Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: There's a lot of telling, but not a lot of showing!. Plus, no offense, but it's kinda corny and stereotypical of fantasies!. Work on making this unique in every way, and work on your character a lot!. He isn't near deep enough!. What are his most personal thoughts and feelings!? And work on your imagery!. I can't picture this in my head!. Sorry if I sound harsh, I just want you to fix what could be a story worth telling!.Www@QuestionHome@Com "not thinking of what he was doing punched the cock in the face!." I'm sorry but saying that he punched the cock in the face was the gayest thing you could ever put!. Say something else, like "ahole" (but the full word) It's kind of impossible for another person to dropkick somebody else!. That guy would have to be huge!. Nowhere near a 13 year old would be!. There are so many mistakes in here, so logical that a second read through would pick them up!. It looks like you just put this all on a paper, not bothering to really think about it!. You need to make things more descriptive!. Such as, you never mentioned that the kid had gone to bed!. He's walking upstairs to cry, and suddenly he's waking up!. What's up with that!? I'm sorry, but you really need to put a lot more work and effort into this if you ever want it to get somewhere!. EDIT: I need to be harsh!. Look at all these kids on Yahoo Answers saying that they are writing a book, etc!. You need harsh criticism to get anywhere!. I'm not going to sugar coat things for you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I personally find it interesting!. I only have a couple recommendations as an amateur novelist - that you use words instead of numbers where possible, and provide more transitioning, smoothly flow from one area to the next!. It's only a few minor errors, but with some work, hell, I'd pick up a copy as a light read!. I'd also take the advice of the girl above me!.!.!. She does have some constructive criticism thar!. Though she is also being a teeny bit harsh!. Good luck, fellow (aspiring) author!Www@QuestionHome@Com good story, i'm 13 and i would read it!. though, like everyone said !. fix the mistakesWww@QuestionHome@Com |