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Position:Home>Books & Authors> Ok i wrote a poem and i need to know if its ok at least?Question: Ok i wrote a poem and i need to know if its ok at least!? Lonely night in by the lake
Sitting on the harbor Waiting for my knight in armor As I sit here on the empty dock Wishing for the clock To strike mid night Hoping I might See a shooting star And wish I was far Away from here I can’t wait to hear The voice among the trees As I whisper cant you see what I see!? is this good!? and i want your HONEST opinionsWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I liked it!. I thought the words were mystical!. =)Www@QuestionHome@Com A good first effort! I applaud it!. Writing is about rewriting!. Keep this first draft and make a copy and have some fun experimenting with the copy!. Betty Shipley, former Oklahoma Poet Laureate would suggest to remove the ing from words and the word "As" at the start of a couple of your lines!. I'd add to that, for you to strike the cliche lines as well, such as a knight in armor, shooting star, clock striking midnight!.!.!.we've read these things many times!. Your strength lies in the image you presented us of a lonely night by the lake!. Run with that!. Tell us what your feelings of that truly are!. Reach inside your soul!. What did the voice in the trees say!? What is it you see that you whisper about!? These are intriguing lines worthy of penning your thoughts!. Don't worry about rhyming, just express!Www@QuestionHome@Com It's interesting!. Reminds me of those TV shows, where the characters are in a cafe somewhere and somebody's reading their poem, dressed in all black, alongside a bass, under a spotlight, with that oh-so distinctive poem-reading voice!. You know!?Www@QuestionHome@Com it's great !! but i think it needs a bit more adjectives it lacks something,, hmm,,yea but anyway i like the romantic themeWww@QuestionHome@Com it is definantly a good start!. I think it needs to flow a little bit better!. I like the romantic them!.Www@QuestionHome@Com You might amend the image of the fellow you are waiting for!.!.!. A knight in armor would sink on a lake!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's weird!.!.!. I don't know, in some spots it sounds really deep, and other lines are just kinda random!.!.!. like the voices in the trees part!.!.!. thats just random!Www@QuestionHome@Com It's good but in one of the stanzas the rhyme seems forced!.!.!. try to fix that but other than that, it's deep!. Keep on writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com It didn't make me feel anything!!Www@QuestionHome@Com Not bad!.Www@QuestionHome@Com its ok!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. =)Www@QuestionHome@Com try to rhyme ever 4 linesWww@QuestionHome@Com idkWww@QuestionHome@Com Its a little long and some of em dosnt sound right!. but its good!. ^_^Www@QuestionHome@Com oooh I like it!. ^o^Www@QuestionHome@Com It just doesn't make sense but I do like itWww@QuestionHome@Com it was a good try but u really need 2 update itWww@QuestionHome@Com |