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Question: CAn you guys read the first chapter of my book and put your opinions PLEASE!?!?
OK star iff you like it!.!.!.!.!. and i nkow its not gonna be that good cuz I'm 12 and im not gonna like go out and try to get this published pr anything im just wondering if this is good or bad or horrible or ANYTHING and give me a star if you like

ok here it is


Books, Bras and Best friends















Chapter one
SUMMER

“OMG!! I can’t believe 6th grade is OVER!!”

“I know totally, I think we should celebrate!”

“OK, I’ll call you later and you can come over my house and we can swim and grill out and stuff!.”

“OK, but don’t forget to call me!” Emma got of the bus and as it passed, flashed a “call me” sign to Leah and she replied back with a thumbs up sign and a smile!.

“Your not gonna call her are you!?” Asked Casey!.
“Well, yeah I gotta have her over, but I’ll wait a little just to freak her out!.” Casey smiled an “I thought so smile” and rolled her eyes!.

“Bye, Lee!.” “Bye, Case! Don’t forget to call!.” Leah smiled and waved bye through the bus window, she promised herself that this is defiantly gonna be a summer to remember!.




Emma sat in her kitchen chair waiting for the phone to ring!. She had her bag packed with a towel, brush, sun block and goggles!. Emma had been sitting there for almost an hour waiting for Leah to call!. She was about 2 minutes away from calling Leah herself, when the phone finally rang!. Emma picked it up so quick it didn’t get the chance to ring twice!. “Hey, told ya I’d call!.” Leah’s voice sang into the phone!. “I’ve been waiting for almost and hour!” “I know but I just like to freak you out sometimes, Em!.” Leah said then giggled!. “Okay, whatev, I’ll be over in 10!.” “Ok, see you there!.”
Emma hung up the phone and ran to the door!.

“Mom, going over Leah’s swimming!. I’ll bring my cell and be back around nine-ish!.” “Okay, Honey have fun and call me when you get there!.” Her mom yelled back!. “OK, bye mom, love ya!.” Emma called back and ran out the door before her mom replied!. She hopped on her bike and rode up the street to Leah’s!.

Casey was already in the pool and swimming!. Emma pulled of the clothes over her bathing suit and called to Casey, “Hey, Case! When’d you get here!?” “Oh, I’ve been here for like a half hour or something like that!.” Emma flashed a look at Leah!. Leah just smiled a jumped in the pool!. Emma sat at the edge and rubbed sunscreen on her arms and legs!. Casey and Leah both looked at each other then splashed Emma with a bunch of water!. The sunscreen bottle flew into the water and sunk to the bottom of the pool!. Emma dived down to get it and threw it next to her bag!. “You guys are so nice to me!.” Emma said with a smile!. “Yep, we know!.” Casey laughed!.

“Hey Casey!” Leah’s mom called out the screen door!. “Hamburger or hotdog!?” “Hamburger, please!” Casey called back!. “And you Emma!?” “Hot dog!” Emma yelled “OK, and Casey, you want cheese right!?” “Yea!.” Casey called back!.

In about 5 minutes Leah’s dad was out at the grill and soon enough, the whole neighborhood smelled of hamburgers and hotdogs!. When they were done the girls ran out of the pool and ate their burgers and hot dogs and the second they were done, they jumped back into the pool!.

For almost 3 hours they swam and splashed each other!. “Leah, you gotta promise to call us a million times this summer so we can swim!.” Casey said!. “Yea, I’ll try!.” Leah replied!.

“Hey, are you guys getting cold or is it just me!?” Emma asked!. “Yeah, I guess I am!.” Leah agreed!. “You guys are crazy; I think it’s really warm in here!.” Casey laughed then dived back underwater!. “Yeah, whatever Casey!. I think me and Em are gonna get out for awhile!.” Leah got out and Emma followed!. They both spread out their towels and tried to sunbathe in the evening sun!.

After about 5 minutes Leah got up “Now I’m hot!.” Leah laughed and jumped back in splashing Emma!. “Thanks, Lee!.” “Your welcome!.” Leah said when she came above the water!. “Hey, come on Em!. Jump in!” Casey yelled!. Emma rolled her eyes and jumped in anyway!.

Awhile later the girls heard the phone ring!. “Ugh! I bet you that’s one of your moms!.” Leah complained!. “Yeah, probably!.” Casey said!. “Ok, well since it’s the first day of summer!.” Leah said!. “On the count of three we all have to yell its summer!” Casey and Emma nodded and Casey ran up one the diving board!. “OK, ready!?” Leah said!. “One…!.!. Two…!. Three!.” “IT’S SUMMER!!” Casey jumped off the diving board and made a huge splash!.

“It’s finally summer!” Leah said!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it's a nice start but you need something interesting to keep us reading - some kind of foreshadowing, that is hinting that something big is going to happen!. can you add a line such as, "they had no idea when they heard the phone ring what a big change it would bring!." or "they thought they would be all together and happy all summer - they thought wrong!." or something that makes us wonder what is going to happen so we should keep reading!. right now, it's pleasant but you need to hook your reader's attention early!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

OMJ its soooo adorable you should keep it up!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

First off, i LOVE the title!.!.its very clever! It sounds like a great book, and it could make it big!.!.but sometimes I got confused on who was talking!. You might want to specify that a bit more!. But great job! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

well!.!.!. the truth: I couldn't really get caught up in the book!. It was kind of boring to me!. It was repetitive (all the OK's starting the sentences at the beginning, the "freaking her out" part)!. I think that it has great potential and maybe if you included the plot of the book or any twists or a later chapter it would be better and more interesting!. Writing the opening chapter is very crucial and very, very difficult, I know so you need to spend a lot of time on it!. Consider this a rough draft!. a rough, rough, rough draft!. Keep re-writing it until it becomes more enchanting!. make people want to read more because just by reading this chapter I don't really want to read more!. Just add more interest to it, make it pop more!. Hope this helps!. Keep writing! there's a lot of potential there!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think that the title is cute, kind of like the Bras and Broomsticks series!. I got kind of confused on who was where and who was talking, but that would probably be cleared up if you did a new paragraph for each person speaking and added things like 'replied Casey' or something like that to the dialog!. I like the school's out idea because that's when fun stuff happens and it will be cool to see the plot move away from the familiar premise for a YA story!. But that's normally happens in this sort of story anyways as the characters develop and conflict arises!. But overall, good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's not too bad!.!.!.my advice would be to maybe jazz it up a little!. Authors depend heavily upon that first sentence to draw the reader in and whet their appitite for the story to come!. Great title though, you could totlally go somewhere!. And who cares if you're only twleve!? If you got it, flaunt it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com