Question: I want *honest* opinions!.!?
Should I continue or delete!?
“Halley Elizabeth Connors!?”
“Right here!. I’m coming!.”
“Hurry it up!. I don’t have all day, I have 20 kids to see after you!.”
“Sorry!.”
I walked into the cold room draped in the colors purple and orange!. There was a desk, computer, and two chairs with nothing else!. I hurriedly, and quietly, sat down as Mrs!. Hunter stared at me with an intense expression laid out upon her face!. We sat in silence for a couple of torturous minutes while she wrote down some things from my medical file!.
I glanced around the room, looking for something that could distract from this awful visit, and with the realization that there was nothing I glanced down at my shoes!. Was this how my first therapist visit was supposed to be, me staring at my shoes!? This woman, Mrs!. Hunter, was supposed to be the best in all of state, so why was I sitting here saying nothing while she didn’t even look up at me!. Wow, this was worse than I thought it be, and I had twenty visits to go!.
“So, I can see you’ve had some problems in your past!.”
“Yea!. Nothing too tramatic though!.”
“Nothing too tramatic!? This list goes on and on, how about we start with your dad!?”
“What about him!? There’s not too much to know, other than he’s been dead since I was ten!.”
“You don’t miss him at all!?”
“We weren’t that close!.”Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Well, I don't see anything wrong with it!. What makes me like it the most is that it doesn't start out with a girl becoming a vampire or falling in love with a unicorn!. Those plots are sooo old, I get really sick of them!.
The only advice I have for you is:
1- Spell check!. It's "traumatic"!. ;)
2- SENSORY DETAIL!. Describe things in the office, e!.g!. the small room was suffocating me, swallowing me whole!. The white walls were screaming, laughing at me!.
3- Vocabulary!. Whenever you think you're using a word too much, get out a thesaurus and look us some alternate words!.
Good luck :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I only found one typo:
'Wow, this was worse than I thought it be'
*Wow, this was worse than I thought it would be*
And I have one question!.!.!.
Can you email me more!? It sounds interesting!. It was really good and just that little bit made me want the whole story!. You either have to email me the rest or get your story published! Please, please, please give me more!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i actually really like it!. its really catchy and i want to know more of the stuff in her past!.!.!.do you mind emailing me more!?
woah! right after i answered the question, more came on! that sounds really good, and sad!. i love sad books where someone dies :) it makes it so deep!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Do not quit, it has promise! It might need a little bit of editing, but pretty much any story does, I can not think of one that didn't!. Keep going, it is really good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
continue and build on your themeWww@QuestionHome@Com