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Question: Is the mood introspective or retrospective!?
Moving backwards
I turn back the hours
Days, months and years
Pushing the hair out of my eyes
Waiting for the mind to rewind …!.
Making my appearance
A wrinkly blue babe
Not destined for the world
Given up by the physician as dying
But with each breath I took defying
While mother lay sick in the bed next to me
My sister of six years was tending to me
By the time I was four
I had built up and stored
A need to be busy - was easily bored
Just before I turned four by only one month
She came to our home took her place in my life
My first lasting memories were vivid and blunt!.
From that day forward
Life became ambiguous
I pushing my limits, Ma holding me back
Overachieving introspective reluctant reticent
Endeavoring, Achieving truly believing
Yet social ineptitude generalized resistance
These things held me hostage
Total Self value delusions would hold me
As forward I moved I held myself back
As the sides of my brain warred on in tightfisted battle
My mood and demeanor became virtual chattel
I grew up somewhere in that warzone of thought
Outspoken –yet quiet—Unheard
Yet within my mind I was free as a bird
Who flies freely when no one is looking
No fear of failure!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Well, Visual!?!.!.!.!.!.perhaps!. The mood however is both intro and retro making it Biographical instead of from one feeling or one idea!. pretty good writing though!. Let me suggest you re-write this from the perpsective of an outsider instead of yourself if you want to make it so incredibly detailed!. This type of poetry sometimes sounds a bit unbelieveable in that you go back to such a distant place and time,!.!.!.!.!.!.most people cant or dont recall such things as you describe other than what people tell them later on in life!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Great try however, I'd keep writing if i was you!.!.!.!.!.I'm not saying this is a bad piece of writing it is just that it sounds very "stepful" in prgression!. Lets just try this, take the first part, re-write it as the full poem!. do that with each part and see what happens!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very good!
I have a question concerning the line:
"Who flies freely when no one is looking
No fear of failure!."
It sounds a bit contradictory with (when no one is looking)!. I 'd say:
"Who flies freely
Fears no failure!."
Have no fears!.For fears kill virtuous desires, including freely virtual-flying!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
retro!? intro!? Beautifully written what ever name you wish to label it withWww@QuestionHome@Com
All I know is I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Be free little mind-bird! FLY AND SING!Www@QuestionHome@Com
What words, so powerful!. Good for you NOBODY COULD HOLD YOU BACK!Www@QuestionHome@Com