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Position:Home>Theater & Acting> Looking for real funny comedic monologues with intended british accent but would


Question: Looking for real funny comedic monologues with intended british accent but would settle for something funny!?
Recommend monologue, paste it into your answer, whatever!.
Thanks!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'd just like to point out that what Tinie has posted is *not* a monologue!. It is an excerpt from a book!.

I really can't think of anything off of the top of my head!. I especially cannot give you any recommendations because I don't know you!. I don't know how old you are, your gender, your physical appearance, what you can handle at this point as an actor, etc!.

What exactly do you need this monologue for!? I would stick with something more basic!. If you haven't been trained to do a British accent (and let me just say, there's more than one kind of British accent -- we don't just have one kind of American accent or Canadian accent, do we!? People are more diverse than that!.) then I think you should stay away from it!. JMO!. Especially if it's for a college audition, which I suspect it may be!. College admissions frequently frown upon a potential student auditioning with a piece using an accent!.

I'd rather be a snoot that knows what she's talking about (and I do -- there's more evidence supporting my claims than yours, Tinie) and properly answers the question! You have provided an excerpt from a novel!. That's not a monologue!. Why do people think that just because I'm PROPERLY answering a question it means I'm a ***** (which is not true -- I just prefer to actually *help* people and tell them the *truth* -- oh noes, it hurts mah feelinz, baw baw)!? Why in the world would you EVER want to misinform a person!?

If someone is going to be performing a monologue, the whole play must be read before the actor can work on it!. If it didn't come from a play, then it can't be worked on!. I'm sure the book can be adapted -- it was in 05, I believe -- but you're taking it straight from the text!. Honey, it doesn't work that way!.

LOL, wow!.

I'd still follow my advice, because, yeah, it's not a monologue!. If you really want to get something worthwhile, dude, talk to someone with whom you have worked!. They know you better than I do or anyone else on the internet does!. If you just want to use whatever, hey, fine by me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Hitchhiker's Guide of the Galaxy
written by Douglas Adams




The Book: The Babel fish is small, yellow, leechlike, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe!. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it!. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with!. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain which has supplied them!. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language!. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish!.
Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the NON-existence of God!.
The argument goes like this:
`I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing!.'
`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it!? It could not have evolved by chance!. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't!. QED!.'
`Oh dear,' says God, `I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly disappears in a puff of logic!.
`Oh, that was easy,' says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing!.
Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, "Well, That about Wraps It Up for God!."
Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation!.

*wow sela! kind of a snoot!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

one of my favorite roles that I have done is Queen Aggravain from Once Upon A Mattress!.!. There is a monolgue about her blithering on about her son and "oh sourse I want you to get married!.!.!.is how it starts!. The role has been played by men and women!.!.and if you are male!.!.you could really camp it up!. Queen Aggravain is used to talking and hearing herself!.!.and her speeches are not bad!.Www@QuestionHome@Com