I need a funny, quirky monologue...?

Question:I need help.
I can't find anything that is really funny, quirky or even odd (being funny). And that's what my coach told me I need.
Can anybody help me out?
I'm a 16 years old boy.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I need help.
I can't find anything that is really funny, quirky or even odd (being funny). And that's what my coach told me I need.
Can anybody help me out?
I'm a 16 years old boy.

I would look at Charles Mee comedies!! He writes a lot of great quirky comedies that are more awkward for men than hard core hillarious which sounds like what you're looking for.

Check out charlesmee.org and sift through his plays- the full texts are available on that site. Pay special attention to Nikos from Big Love. He has a long monologue you could cut down in his scene with Lydia. She interjects one word responses now and then but... he's awkward... take a look!

How about trying to pick up girls in all the wrong ways. Using lines that show that any girl in her right mind would reject you. You could tell about the time you tried to ask a girl out on a dutch treat dinner and movie, and then asking if she could get a car. Things like that.

Try to find the play below and pick out the scene where Rosalie first meets Jonathan.

"oh dad poor dad mama's hung you in the closet and I'm feeling so sad" by A.L.Kopit

From that scene you can easily put together a hilarious and truly strange monologue for Jonathan. Instead of talking to Rosalie you would just address the audience. The link is to that scene to give you an idea. Jonathan has a profound stutter and never leaves the house. If you do this as seriously and sincerely as its written, you will have your teacher falling off his chair with laughter. Guaranteed. Just remember the cardinal rule about comedy: it's a very serious business. Never try to be funny.

http://youtube.com/watch?=tTBK8CNQ3lo&fe...

there are some weird monologues in east but there's a LOT of swearing.