Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my poem. Criticism?

Question: What do you think of my poem!. Criticism!?
The title is: hand in hand they will carry on!.

What a placid berth to gaze upon
two lovers dancing in an indubitable
paradise moving with flawless rhythm,
swaying with discrete delicacy

Hand in hand they will carry on
with hearts tensely convolved,
Two souls will intertwine and become one!.
The love desired, will develop immensely and evolve

Beauty will takes it's own course
The beat of rhythm will dissever
and this perfect paradise will fall beyond endeavor
If they allow doubts to fill their thoughts

Two lovers will be divided and obscured
To learn of the secrets yet to be discovered
And as they go their divided ways they wake a vow
so that no distance can taint their hearts

inseparable the two lovers
a feeling more than just euphoric bliss
like the oxygen that sustains our lungs
they dance one last time

I'm not finished and it will be edited more!.
Any constructive criticism!?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Too many words that are inconsistent with the emotion I think you are trying to share, words that will either send folks to the dictionary or to simply decide "Too deep for me!." Peace!.

Do they "wake a vow"!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very well written, but I think you may lose some people because not all can grasp the english language in this impressive form!.



I like it, I found nothing to criticize!. Keep writing, I think many will enjoy reading your work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

reallly good

keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, that is really good, sorry I can't criticize it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com