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Question: My Niece saw this and I put it in words for her, Rachel's Poem, Please comment!?
Rachel’s Moon

Moon lit a torch of fire so bold;
Lunar skylight - so bright, like gold
The beauty that on snow displayed
A vision I will never trade

On snow packed yard so very cold;
Moon lit a torch of fire so bold
The colors lighting up the sky,
No one there to see, only I -

-I wished my Mom and sis could see
The snow was sparkling, heavenly
Across the moon a cloud then rolled
Moon lit a torch of fire so bold

The other night was looking out
The window and wanted to shout
Starlight joined in, watched night unfold
Moon lit a torch of fire so boldWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Your neice will surely like this and treasure it all her life!. You painted a beautiful picture of a winter night!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Beautiful imagery!. It made my pull my sweater up a little tighter, but that's the result of the word "snow" being used!.

Isn't amazing how one word changes the image and impression of a poem!?

What if you had written line one, stanza 2 as follows"

"Our grassy yard with trees so old!."

Would it have made the poem more of a summer poem!? I think it would work without changing a single other word!.


Your niece will love the poem!. Unfortunately, as a professional, I find the rhyme forced and too many fillers added to keep the meter consistent!. Read it aloud!. Can you sing it!? Metered poetry should be able to be sung!. If it the music wavers, lose the meter and write it in free verse!. (Sorry)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Almost makes me want snow, but just almost!. I live in the south for a reason!. Nice poem at any rate, well written, your niece will likely cherish the words her entire life!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The guiding light for the creatures of the night and the fire burns for our visual delight!.

Nice write this one is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

VERY NICE WRITE!! I just know that Your Niece will love it,as much as I do!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

nice and mellow very touching to the imagination and great for kidsWww@QuestionHome@Com

truly amazing say congrats to your neice from me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

A lovely winter picture!. For a moment, I didn't hate the snow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it - it speaks to a young capricious mind!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that fire!.!.!.!.!.!.

!.!.!.!.!.!.warms the night!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Ur poem is giving a touch to imaginary world!.
I found it quite interesting!.!.!.!!!!
A good poem 4 sweet n naughty kids!.!.!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com