Position:Home>Poetry> Do you think this poem describes Anorexia well?
Do you think this poem describes Anorexia well!?
dont lecture me on eating healthy!. I excersize!. I'm a healthy weight and size!. I am not 'craving attention' I simply want feedback!.
She is around every corner, beneath every sheet
Telling you you're worthless, you're too fat to eat!.
She is every scream, every tear;
She is the reason behind every unjustified fear;
She is every illusion, because to them She's not there
Suffocating, merciless, She becomes your air!.
She is every stolen laugh, stolen kiss;
She is the shattered remnants of all that you miss!.
She is every bone; oh I love you to the bones
Protruding so gracefully, like anorexia set in stone!.
She is every right, every wrong;
She is the only company you’ve known for so long!.
She is every name that you cry out in sleep
Quietly, elegantly her thin face will creep!.
She is every step, every thought;
She is the reason my body will rot!.
She is everywhere, you can never escape
You lose control, your sanity, She rapes!.
She is me, She is you, and
She is controlling everything that you doWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I really admire your subject matter!. I am SO glad you did not pick a topic that was full of cliche and bore!. The best poets always create conflict, and I believe you have done just that!.
With that said, in the line"She is the only company you’ve known for so long!." If you were to change it to "She is the only companion you show", or "She is the only friend that eats you to the bone!." etc!.!. Just make the sentence flow better!.
also, don't use anorexia in the poem!. We know your talking about anorexia, you don't have to tell us again!. Show don't tell!.
I am sorry if you did not want criticism for you poem, but I would assume you posted this on here for help not "OMG ITS SO GOOD!." Though this poem was superb, I personally believe there is some flow issues and maybe some final touches to do!. In hindsight it is a very eloquent poem and I would much like to see the final draft!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
your poem is so true in every way
even girls that aren't anorexic probably have thought about it
your poem opens up the eyes to every girl
very good job :)
i love your poem :)
you should enter this in a poetry contest, you would have a very good chanceWww@QuestionHome@Com
yes it does very much!.
i like the style that you chose for this poem
every stanza consists of alliteration or assonance
I can do one better:
A fat girl was eating a snack,
So fat she was hurting her back,
She thew up on the floor,
and heaved up some more,
Now she is snorting some crackWww@QuestionHome@Com
That is beautiful!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
really unnerving poemWww@QuestionHome@Com
Yes this is an amazing poem! You are very talented!Www@QuestionHome@Com
You wrote this!? That was really good! I think it does describe anorexia!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
THAT IS F@CKING AMAZING!!
I bet your fatWww@QuestionHome@Com
i like itWww@QuestionHome@Com