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Question: 2 poems (Harvest Whores) and (Learning Disabled, Narcoleptic, Vagina Carrying Female) any suggestions!?
Harvest Whores
Cucumbers *** calmly
Apples arrive angrily
Bananas bare no bruises

Fence building, boarder patrolling, people suppressing
egomaniac, who determines eligibility of citizenship

Only enforcing rules and regulations
upon existing illegal non-agriculture workers

Petrified of deportation pennies are paid

Forcing them to sell their manual labor
makes them harvest whores

Picking & plucking
breakfast, lunch, & dinner
keeps my status at
most bountiful place on earth

Learning Disabled, Narcoleptic, Vagina Carrying Female

Dangling in my closet are hangers
passed down from prior generations

Dad’s Dad Dad’s Dad invented things due to
his ability to think differently from the norm

Having that same trait in today’s society
means I’m labeled Learning Disabled

Mom’s silly sleepy sister recollects on her life
giving me a detailed description of my future

Vivid nightmares with a hint of sleep paralysis
combined with uncontrollable muscle function

Vagina Carrying Female hanger hangs compliments
of daily reminders that I’m a female who has one

Such hangers proudly displayed within my closet
allowing me to create sentences such as

Comprehending while Asleep and Bleeding worse than yesterdayWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I like both of these poems, but I have to say I get the impression that they are both a tad rough in a first draft sort of way!.

The anger in these poems is very good, but I wonder if the way that the anger is displayed from the first person perspective projecting out is the best choice!. I would try rewriting them from more of a higher perspective then your original voice!. Then put the two versions side by side seeing where you could speak from the first person, and where these poems could be strengthened from a more third person perspective!.

I hope that you understand that I think the ideas and the raw material you are working with is good, and don't take the idea of constructive criticism as an affront to your apparent talent!.

If you do revise these poems, please share!.

And please keep writing!.

Thanks for the questionWww@QuestionHome@Com

These are very strong!. Do you have about 100 more, because you could publish a book of these!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love both!. They're both different from the norm and without cliches!. Keep up the good work :)Www@QuestionHome@Com