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Question: What do you think of this short story i wrote!?
today is cold!. fall is slowly ending, morphing into winter!. the leaves on the crippling trees have fallen to the ground and blown away in the wind!. there's nothing left of them now!. its sad actually!. every year the leaves fall!. they die and are taken somewhere foreign to them!. then they are replaced!. such a cruel thing for something that never did anything wrong!. they grew when they were supposed to, they changed colors when they were supposed to, they fell off the limbs of their home, one by one!. crumpling under the footsteps of the passerbys!. its a sad thing!. walking past a leafless tree is a girl!. by looking at her you wouldn't see the hardships she's been through!. she feels as if shes drowing!. everything is taking her under the waves of a storming ocean!. lies!. everybody told her the ocean would be calm!. lies!. she is pulled under forcefully until its almost comfortable, then she's filled with a strenth that pushes her back above the thrusting waves, then as unfair as it may seem, she is thrown back under the water, having to readjust to the pain in her wilting lungs!. it hurts!. she did everything she was told to do, just like the leaves!. and just like the leaves she was crumpled into little pieces!. soon to be swept away in the vigorous wind!. walking into a very presentable two story, white, and flowertrimmed house she has almost reached her destination!. slowly, but delibertly climbing the stairs to an isolated room she reaches under a matress!. there she feels what she was looking for!. a gun!. thats all she needs!. raising the gun to her head the wind is taking her away!. just like the leaves, and soon she will be gone, just like the leaves, as unfair is it may seem!.

im only 14
just give me some constructive criticism!.
if you've read any of my other work on here
you know i don't like cheesey!.
make sure you tell me if its cheesy
so i can fix it!.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
well, I find it to be great!. Not cheesy at all!.
The two things I wanted more out of reading this is to know what happened to the girl to make her so depressed!. also the fact that you made this great comparison to the girl and the leaves and the wind, i just don't know how it can connect to the ocean scenario!. So the main thing you should focus on is how to describe the metaphorical description of the girl's ordeals to that of the trees and the leaves and stuff!. (the ocean part doesn't really have anything to do with the rest of the piece and kind of cuts the piece in half instead of making the comparisons a whole)
Great work though! Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Um!.!.!. the beginning is a little too gloomy!. It sounds depressingWww@QuestionHome@Com