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Question: I would love your opinion on this poem!.!?
this poem has no title it is kinda like that every other love poem you have heard but i kinda poured my heart into it
i don't think it is that good but i would love your opinion on it and see how i can improve!

You are my world
my stars that shine in the night
And my sky that is so blue
my smile, my laughter
my happiness and all
You are my world
and If I lost you
I don't know what I would do

yeah i dont really like it but i would love to hear your thoughtWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You are a really good writer, you have a great concept going for you!.
But here are some editing tips:

3rd line: take out the first word "and" (just sounds better)
5th line: "and all"-- try to be more specific than saying "all", use an actual word

I do not like the last two lines--it is not a strong ending!. you want to end your poem with a big bang!
Maybe reword this--I would be lost without you

I would not write anymore to this poem, keep it short and sweet!. In this case, less is more!.

also i would not make a title for this at all!. I think not having a title will make it more mysterious and cool!. But if you would prefer to have a title, than perhaps you could entitle it your bf's name!.

But so far you are doing great! your bf will love this!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I enjoy the simplicity of your poem and it feels very genuine
as for a lil tweaking up, in my opinion mayb like this!?!.!.!.

the stars that shine at night
and my sky, so blue
my happiness and all
revolves around you
coz you are my world
and if i lost you
i wouldn't know what to do

obviously thats just an opinion
as for a title here are a few suggestions

The Love Poem
My World Is Happy, Only With You

I like the idea, my wonderful world!.!.it would be a nice alliteration :PWww@QuestionHome@Com

Really!? You don't think it's good!? I personally think it's pretty! Especially for a beginner at poetry!. I think it's wonderful!

What I would try to improve it or edit it is maybe add a bit more detail!. Maybe, "You are the animals, that wander my Earth", blah blah blah, things like that!. also, try using a bit more of "bigger" grammar like "You are my warm smile, my extraordinary laughter," yadda yadda yadda and so on!. Other than that, I think it's lovely!

Anyway, hope this helps! And don't like the negative comments of foolish people in the world bring you down!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yeah, the sentiment is beautiful, but I wouldn't call it poetry!.!.!.poetry takes chances, redefines in terms of metaphor, asks more questions than it answers!. It's a pretty good, and straightforward declaration of affection!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it is very cute
if you want to improve it try throwing in some figurative language to spice it up a bit
the words are commonly used
yet it is simple and niceWww@QuestionHome@Com

i think its pretty nice :D
but you should give some confidence in
this poem bcus then the poem would more
sound right & prettier somehowWww@QuestionHome@Com

I think it is very sweet!. I think it shows that the feelings of love for the other person is homest and trueWww@QuestionHome@Com

it's pretty good, actually!. maybe the last line could be like, "i don't know what i could do"Www@QuestionHome@Com

No offense, but you need more sensory details!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love it!!!! You wrote it!? This is really good!. You are truely talented!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I am a poet and I write so many poems!.
this is probably a 4star poemWww@QuestionHome@Com

who is it about!? it sounds like its already been written!. change it up a little and make it not so clee-shay (sp)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good, but maybe a title!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

good poem! 10/10Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love it :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

i like it!. its very deep!.Www@QuestionHome@Com