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Question: Read my poem please!? I'm 14!?
Here is my original un-revised poem:

Oh how the peaceful forest rests,
Under a spell, an enchantment of tunes,
As the trees creek softly back and forth,
and the mocking bird sings it sweet song,

As the pure blanket of snow covers the forest whole,
With a windy chill and gentle flow,
The cotton snow continues to peacefully blow,
Gently tucking in upon the earth,
Falling as if Angel’s feathers from heaven above,

Virgin territory, Fresh and pure, untouched and beautiful,
No human may touch,
Delicate and fresh,

Light streams round about,
Bursting through the sleepy tree branches,
Sparkling like the far stretched seas,
Glistening like a little one’s deep blue eyes,
Yet gentle and rich, like a brown eyed dream,

For as early as the hunter may rise,
Guilt is sure to be on his mind,
For that first step he takes upon sacred ground,
Is breaking all pureness,
With every move he makes


Here is my re-vised poem:

My Poem:


Oh how the peaceful forest rests,
Under a spell, an enchantment of tunes,
As the trees creek softly back and forth,
And the mocking bird sings it sweet song,

As the pure blanket of snow covers the forest whole,
With a windy chill and gentle flow,
The cotton snow continues to peacefully blow,
Gently tucking in upon the earth,
Falling as if angels’ feathers from heaven above,

Virgin territory,
Fresh and pure,
Untouched and beautiful,
No soul dare touch,
So delicate and fresh,
Like a diamond in the rough,

Light streams round about,
Bursting through the sleepy tree branches,
Sparkling like the far stretched seas,
Glistening like a little one’s deep blue eyes,
Yet gentle and rich, like a brown eyed dream,

For as early as the hunter may rise,
Guilt is sure to be on his mind,
For that first step he takes upon sacred ground,
Is a step into a sense of enchantment,
Like dream,
Peaceful and clear,
Yet somehow in a daze!.



Any suggests still!? Like flow or rythm or words that would sound better together!.

Thank you for all of your critical answers!.!.!.!.it will help the poem turn out better!

Again, its for school and it has to be about nature, and I am 14!.

thanks!Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The first stanza is lovely!.
I love the imagery throughout!.
I like the varying lengths of the lines within the stanzas too!. :)
http://uk!.answers!.yahoo!.com/question/ind!.!.!.
Care to read mine!?
:) xxxxWww@QuestionHome@Com

so beautiful it made me cry tears of joy you are a true poem teller i have got to tell my friends about you and they would love it to cause we love poems and mostly wonderful ones like yoursWww@QuestionHome@Com

wow!. captivating!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It feels like different poems stuck together!. You need to work on structure- I'd use the 2nd to last stanza!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Still!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.very nice!.

nfd?Www@QuestionHome@Com