Interested in improvements for this poem, please?

Question: Interested in improvements for this poem, please!?

He rubbed his slumped shoulders
with leather-skinned hands
now stiff, that had lost their grip!.
Slowly he raised his body, so broken,
with once strong legs that now faltered!.

Stretching his back, no longer straight,
he looked around barren room,
his family had scattered, leaving him alone!.

By time rendered useless,
he could take it no more
and fell to his knees with this cry,

"If I can be no more use to Thee,
take me now, O hear my plea!
This mountain I no longer can climb,
yet you ask of me to idly wait by!.
I come to you, O merciful One
my time on earth allow to be done!."

That night old dog came in from the porch
and licked for last time his cold face!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Ahh Ma that was so touching a man who was dying to die!.!. crying out to God to take him !.!. His family had abandoned him but still he had his one last friend to kiss him good bye!. That was so sad!. Loved it !.!.and it makes you think for sure as all of your poems do!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like this poem!. My only suggestion would be to put the word 'the' before 'last time!.' The articles (a, an, the) are not taboo in poetry and may be used when they would be used in normal speech or when a stronger word is not suitable!. The source below discusses language use at length!. You may find it helpful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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So sad!.

The ending really got it into perspective, though, in my personal opinion, this needs no improvement!

I could imagine the man so vividly, and the dog coming in at the end just tugged at the heart strings!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is good, Ma!. My dad and my grandpa are both dying!. My dad begs to die and my grandpa is fighting with everything in him!. Both once such big, strong men it's hard to watch!.

I can't imagine what would improve this!.x!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like this compassionate poem a lot!. I have to agree with Sydney, throw in those articles of speech, English really does require them, I find!.
This really touched me, as I have heard many of my patients say the same thing!. Well done, Ma!Www@QuestionHome@Com

thats beautiful i really like it
i think you could make the last two lines a little more flowy and poetic, since they're your big closing!. make them something that will burn into the reader!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Improve it!? hush!.
This touched my heart!. The only left is for the rest of us to tell him "goodbye"!. He was ready and was taken home to happiness!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Ma,there is an old saying around,that says,if it ain't broke,don't fix it! And this poem certainly needs no fixing! Great Write!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Read through 4 or 5 times!.!.!.trying different ways to say!.!.!.none sound or flow as well as what you have used!. keep as is!. Strong write about another kind of choice!. Very good!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Quiet scene, well painted!.

L3: I stick on the addition of "that had lost their grip," I think you need to rework or drop those words all together!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Several reads through this and many tears shed, leave this one as is!. This is one for the ages, Ma!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Powerful stuff ma!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sad and vivid!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Touching, Ma!. Don't know what else to say!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I can imagine G W Bush is feeling very much that way now Ma!.!.
Not like me at all to understand poetry is it!.!.heeheeWww@QuestionHome@Com

very!.!.!.!.!.!.

!.!.!.!.!.!.sad!.!.!.

!.!.!.but then again!.!.!.!.

perhaps!.!.!. things at the other side!.!.!.!.!.

!.!.!.!.!.!.is better!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com