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Question: What is your opinion on my bottle tops poem!?
Bottle Tops
by Sydney

We played a game
with beeries!.
Mother said,
'they're bottle tops"
and I said,
"no! they're beeries!."
and she said,
"they're bottle tops,
and don't you forget it!"
So I left the circle
and never played
beeries again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Nice nostalgic musing, but this is not your best effort!. The meter is choppy!. You could re-work this, perhaps rhyming which you do well, and this could be transformed into something better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sydney,

This poem gives me a sense of nostalgia!. Although I'm still young in life, it reminds me of the days when children played with whatever they can find!. Kids used their imaginations and explored!. The part about never playing again makes me think of children today being forced to conform or having their dreams shattered by adults without a sense of imagination or ambitions to see the bigger picture!.

I love it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Ahhhh I see now! That's where the "getting it right" gene comes from!.!.!.lol

I can imagine your bottom lip firmly covering your top lip as you stomped away from the circle!. Good poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It was funny until the tantrum at the end!. The last three lines are not needed!. They turn your poem into a rant!. Only my opinion, justly rendered!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I bet if Shakespeare wrote those kinds of poems he would be famous now! Ah gee, it sure is hard to convey sarcasm on the internet!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It sounds more like talking about your day then a poem!. It kind of seems like poets have stopped really trying these days!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Precocious weren't you!? Where's the mediator to say berry tops when you need him or her! We are like our parents in so many ways!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Meh to me its not that good

But then again thats just meWww@QuestionHome@Com

LAme!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com