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Question: My poem, entitled, "I Love You"!?
Here I am, sipping lemonade,
Here I am, watching the parade,
people in costumes throw confetti
later I'm gonna have spaghetti!.

I'm just gonna tell you the truth
Saw your pics from photobooth
that you put on your Facebook
I just had to go have a look

I know it might sound lame
Although they were all the same
You know I looked at each one
'Cause I think you might be the one

If you love me don't tell me,
'cause then that could stop befell me,
and I want this to lead to something
if you get me, like that lump thing!.

it's a work in progress, i'm trying to decide where to go with it, what do u think!? is it cliche!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i think that from an outsider's pov, it sounds kind of corny!. but assuming that if i were the one you were telling it to, i would that think it's great because it has that special something ( i don't know ) to it!. the last part i can't really understand!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It sounds pretty corny to me - and not in a good, romantic way!. The language you've used sounds really colloquial!. If this poem is supposed to say "I love you," it doesn't come across very well!. You sound more like a stalker!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's your work from your heart!.
Lemonade and spaghetti doesn't sound good!. Better have an antacid for that one!. Rhyming is not essential!.
Practice makes perfect!. Read other poets, no matter how painful!.
Best wishes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com