Position:Home>Poetry> This is a poem written as a sijo, I would appreciate constructive and objective
Question: This is a poem written as a sijo, I would appreciate constructive and objective views!?
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The spider has woven her web, a natural dream catcher!.
Morning dewdrops, accented by streams of fractured sunlight,
Adorn the lacework, attracting and ensnaring unwitting bugs!.
Filtered morning light renders web, a thing of regal beauty!.
The spider feasts her eyes on delicate, fresh, meaty morsels!.
Magpie in one smooth action, espies a bug, rips through the web!.
Web, tattered torn, in poor repair; the day wears on to evening!.
Rampant weeds running wild, out of control, seeds arranged by the wind!.
Overnight reparations, cerebral artwork reestablished
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Once, I had a spider web on my front door!. Each morning when left for work, it was destroyed!. And, in the evening when I came home, it had been re-spun!. Like a miracle!.
My only view is that the poem is elegant!.
I love it when the wind arranges seeds!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
if there was an oscar for worst poetry you will win that without any competition,not only for this year but for the next 10 yrs to come,it is that bad!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
great read!.!.!.wondering tho if u were to break the lines and extend number of lines would that still be the same form!?!.!.i thought it had to be 10-14 per line!? maybe im missing somethingWww@QuestionHome@Com
Some wonderful, sharp images here, bedecked and bedizened with perfect diction and thoughtful use of assonance and alliteration!. that is appropriate use without overuse!. This is an improvement over your sijo of yesterday, in my opinion, and that one was very good!. I think that this form is a great showcase for your most outstanding talents!.
Edit: As to making line breaks for more and shorter lines, I think that may make your sijo 'neoclassical' and it would make little difference since the experienced reader of poetry reads to the syntactic unit, not the line!. I wonder about making the lines more overtly metered!. I think of the juxtaposition of longer lines of unequal length as in Poulter's measure; that can be striking when done precisely and correctly!. What do you think of that little twist, eh!?Www@QuestionHome@Com