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Question: Poem not finished!. kinda x rated!.!?
so i just got into one of my writing moods!. & this poem was originally supposed to be about love, but it turned in to s3x & passion somehow!.!. lol!.!. let me know it you like it, what i should change, & what i should add because its not finished!.!.
i want to wrap my arms around you, and just know that we can finally be together!. im still in love with you after all this time, and i just want to be yours forever!. just hold me embrace me, let me know its not just pretend, kiss me gently on my forehead, i don't want this to nite to end!. bring me to the bed, undress me with desire in your eyes, lay me down, and have your way with me until the sun starts to rise!. our bodies intertwined, getting hot and heavy, my legs are starting to shake, just cant keep them steady!. my palms are getting damp, i've longed for this moment for ages, we stare deeply into each other the passion between us rages, you enter me slowly, as you caress my curves, kiss me with temptation, im losing control of my nerves, you squeeze my nipples with fierceness as you thrust deeper inside,you whisper dirty things to me, while you stare into my eyes!. our bodies so close, as if we were one, our hearts throbbing out of our chest, both about to cumm, but we fight back the urges, done want this to be over, were in a world of exctasy, even though were both sober!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
ok, one of the most sexual poems i have read, but actually its very nice =)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Firstly literature can't really be 'x rated' it's a form of art and expression!. On to the actual poem, well firstly some spelling would be nice, maybe some paragraphing and a bit of grammar, however the poem itself is meaningless - sure it rhymes but there is nothing there - just empty words!. All you show is love and passion, however you do not express the depth only say that it is there!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's difficult to read and generally badly written!. I would have enjoyed reading it more if it weren't so blunt and explicit and if you had actually gone to the trouble of putting it into stanzas rather than expecting us to trudge through your long paragraph!.
You need to learn how to be subtle, my friend, then maybe you'd actually get laid more rather than having to write about getting laid!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds better when you use metaphorical phrases for what he does to you, More so then when you just come right out and say it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Nothing good EVER came out of the south, not George Bush not rascism MOST DEFINATELY NOT THIS POEMWww@QuestionHome@Com
You have arrived at a pivotal point with the thought about being sober!. Up to that point, it is a most captivating, riveting, picturesque piece; but what's to follow: some new light on your relationship, its past events; new realizations about things you've done and experienced together; new hopes for its future!? What's the point beyond hot, sober sex!?
The suggestions about spelling, paragraphing, etc!. need to be taken to heart also!. Peace!.Www@QuestionHome@Com