Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> A LucBat for Dante, I tried again, will you comment on this poem?


Question: A LucBat for Dante, I tried again, will you comment on this poem!?
`

As morning light appeared
And starlight crept away to hide
My window open wide
A bluebird on a branch I spied
It ruffled up its feathers so
I knew was chilly snow
Beneath the branches on the ground
With little food yet to be found
The world encased in winter’s tomb
As sunlight warmed my room
What is that bluebird doing here!?
I thought aloud with fear
When spring is in the distance far
Her presence like a star
Fallen frightened from the night sky
I held back I did not cry
And when I looked again was gone
My miracle of the dawn
Her sad demise, no longer feared


`
I think this one is softer and nicer than the last 2 attempts!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Did I read that right, the bluebird died!?

I'm at a loss of encouraging words here Maddam!. My first impression was that (and I hate, now, always saying this, but) this piece would definitely have benefited from the use of punctuation!. I know, people think it's not a necessity, but for me, when it's not there, I struggle!. The content and message got lost in translation, and I never was able to establish a tone or to hear the speakers voice!.

I've read this several times, but easily realized upon the first read that it wasn't a Luc Bat; it doesn't just vere away from the form, it doesn't come close to begin with!. That being said, I didn't have to worry about syllable count, or if it was a Luc Bat or not and just tried reading it for what it was!. That was still a challenge!.

There's just not a smooth transition of ideas being conveyed!. To me, it's like a bunch of fragmented sentences wanting to be puzzled back together, but all the pieces aren't there!.

I apologize for my lack of tact, but I'm only trying to be honest and can't seem to formulate my words in a "sugar coated" way this morning!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I don't entirely understand its meaning, but that preserves the mystery of it!. A nice read and good imagery!.

Although filled with references to cold I find the poem to be very warm and inviting!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I want to be a coward and wait for someone else to respond!. To be honest I don't know the form you are attempting but I will say you grabbed my attention from the start and held it all the way through!.

Very nice write! Love the ending!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think if Dante saw the Bluebird, he would squish it with his big provider boots!.

It is a pretty poem, and I enjoyed reading it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The bluebird was your guardian angel, or perhaps your inner being!. Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow!.!.!.poor little bluebirdWww@QuestionHome@Com

"The world encased in winter’s tomb"

!.!.!.!.!.!.sounds like!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.

!.!.!.!.the state that i am in!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com