What do you think of this poem? [be honest!]?

Question: What do you think of this poem!? [be honest!]!?

first poem i've written!.!.!.!.!. im not that good at peotry!.!.!. as u can see!.!.!.!.!.!.!.

As I walk into school I try to act brave
Try to hide the tears I’m choking back
Try to act like nothing’s wrong,
I’m breaking down inside!.

As I walk into school I try to act brave
Try not to stare at him too much
Try to hide my secret crush,
On the guy that you love

As I walk into school I try to act brave
Try not to get lost in his eyes
Try to tell myself I’m over him,
When in reality, I’m not even close

I’m trying for you,
You’re my best friend
I love you know matter what they say,
And no boy will ever change that

Can you please try for me too!?
Be nice to my friends,
And try not to yell
Please try your best for me, because I’m trying for youWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like the stanzas one of my favorite styles!. I get a little bored reading the word "try" to many times!.

How about:

As I walk into school, I act brave
hide the tears I'm choking
act like nothing is wrong
while breaking down inside

I agree that using word pictures would grab my interest more!.
And a stronger ending would leave more of an impression!.

Keep it up!. Best wishes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It sounds more like a pop song than a poem!.

Think of ways to suggest, rather than speak the emotions and thoughts, think of painting pictures with words, rather than just stating facts, that will add greatly to the poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

A teen ager's whims and fancies are depicted nicely!. Of course this experience is common at this age!. Yet there is a romantic vein which promises a bright future as a poet!. The innocent love of the poet make the poem interesting and readableWww@QuestionHome@Com

The beginning was good, but the end went off track a little!. Change the ending to make it better!. Keep focused on the poem and the stanzas!. I like writing poetry too, it is a good stress relief!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

in my opinion i think its good but i dont think you should make every thing seem so obvious

put more represntations or metaphor's in the poems

but its neatWww@QuestionHome@Com

Use visualizations more and less literal narration!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it doesn't sound good
i love the story though
it just doesn't sound poeticWww@QuestionHome@Com

I like it ,, but it needs a more shocking end!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its pretty good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think you are in loveWww@QuestionHome@Com

its ok, could be betterWww@QuestionHome@Com

pretty good!. brings thee point across in a poetic way!. love it!. :):)Www@QuestionHome@Com