Do you think kimberly will like my poem?

Question: Do you think kimberly will like my poem!?

There is a story that’s only part complete
Were all the pages have been wrote in red
The last full stop is a single heart beat
The final chapter wrote upon a bed

There could only be one goodbye today
That will have two hearts broken into two
And a million words that will fly away
With life that none will ever get to view

There will be tears enough to fill a well
But with patience we learn we can endure
For with that wish to be where all will dwell
There, we shall meet upon a golden shoreWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I do love it , thanks!. Just exactly what I needed!. Describes exactly how I'm feeling right now !.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Im sure she will, but some advice!.!.!.

'That will have two hearts broken into two', saying it will have is quite poorly worded, as the goodbye will not have anything and doesn't make for useful personification, it also can be misread that two hearts will be broken into two hearts instead of two pieces which wouldn't be worth writing about!.

also try and stray from using words like ever in that context 'that none will ever get to view' as it seems as just a space filler, and im sure you want your poem to flow and be relevant at the same time!.!.!. instead try rewording your sentence!.!.!. it can really change the sense we have of the author and their intentions!.

also remember these are tips and you dont have to use them but from the lines i checked they all had 10 syllables and I thought a 10 by 10 could work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I believe she will!. It is very kind of you to write this for her!.
I have sat with a girl who was fighting an involuntary abortion a term they used which meant a miscarriage!.!. She did not miscarry but it was a long few nights that I sat by her side!.
I also witnessed an abortion, I had a very difficult time holding my tears in check, knowing in my heart that the child would never have made it to term!.!.!. yet feeling a horrific loss!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it is immaculate, outstanding!. You are clearly getting the message across that you are saying goodbye, but hopefully meet again!. I love the rhyme too! Keep it up! She will absolutely adore it and she will 100% love it!. I mean, how can you not love it!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its excellent, what's needed for personal, private poetry is different then what's needed for journals and books!. It fits what you need perfectly, I suppose!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it is very good she'll love it
only thing lo mate you're trying to put too many words into the lines if ya get me take a few out for instance take 'ever out of the that line of second stanza

amazing poem well doneageWww@QuestionHome@Com

Nice to see you on the board again, The trolls have been attacking this site for many weeks, be careful!.

Your poem is very tender, for a person who seemly is in deep grief!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

absolutely!
and besides the poem
she will see you understand,
and thats even more important!.
this is very nice Gideon!.
dont forget all your hugs too!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

DefinitelyWww@QuestionHome@Com

i love your theme in the poem!. And its really beautiful she'll be crazy not to love itWww@QuestionHome@Com

i do i do!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes I do!.
Good job, friend!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Thats very beautiful :] I think she will like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes, of course!. good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

great jobWww@QuestionHome@Com

omg that was so nice wait i got something in my eyeWww@QuestionHome@Com

im sure she would love it :)Www@QuestionHome@Com