The fetal night aborts
the silence with the thunder
of roaring wings
and blazing harbor!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
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Position:Home>Poetry> I can only offer this on as a Dec. 7th write. Is it too short?Question: I can only offer this on as a Dec!. 7th write!. Is it too short!? The fetal night aborts
the silence with the thunder of roaring wings and blazing harbor!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Certainly more important than mine!. Very good poem!. nfd?Www@QuestionHome@Com Not too short!. In fact, think it should be shorter, more compact, like the suddenness of the event, e!.g!., Fetal night aborts silence with thunder--- roaring wings, blazing harbor--- Of course, just suggestions!. also, hate to say it, but attack occurred in broad daylight ("just before 8 AM"): http://www!.history!.navy!.mil/photos/event!.!.!. However, purely as poetry, I like that the fetus aborts the silence, that silence is paired with thunder by putting both on same line and using "with" at the same time the thunder destroys the silence!. But now I'll contradict myself about poem's length: I wonder at lack of showing of damage to ships and people!. "Blazing harbor" by itself is too abstract, distant!. Maybe just one more stanza would do the duty!. EDIT: "Fetal" makes me think you're saying that the night is just beginning!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com My sister and a friend as well as an old woman that looked like a witch when I was a child were born on this day,( however I think Pearl was well after the old woman!.!.) I was not even a sparkle in my daddys eye, but I know what Dec 7 is and commemorates!.!. Nothing is too short if it has all the context needed, sometimes less is moreWww@QuestionHome@Com Thank you! The people of the U!.S!. seems to have forgotten a very important day in our history!. If one would ask many people on the street what happened 67 years ago today, they would have no idea, for they are oblivious of our great history!. Www@QuestionHome@Com AH, yes I remember it well, even tho!. I was only nine years six months old!. "The only thing we have to fear is fear it self!." "A day in infinity" edit, TY your right "infamy" and I can't blame spell chex!.Www@QuestionHome@Com My dad was a Navy pilot on a carrier there!.!.!.!.years later, I lived there!. Going out to the memorial at sea was something I'll never forget!. Thank you for remembering!. maWww@QuestionHome@Com Very good!. It's fine!. Www@QuestionHome@Com poignant for a occasional poem, length is fineWww@QuestionHome@Com You really don't live in my world!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |