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Question: Could you please tell me what you think of this poem!?
"My Zion"

Low, Twas a dark night with rain
Finally a method, finally a way!.
Did from that day see it so plain;
I finally thaught to get rid of that stray!.

When it came for food, I came for it
A sack in my hand with evil intent!.
Catching and tying, I caught it inside
And down to the water and downer it went!.

Low, twas a fateful day!.
Sky going dark and water run red!.
Low, Twas a mistake I made!.
For the stray, oh my Zion, was dead!.


Please critisize or cmment!!!! I really want to know what you think!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It sounds like wicked animal abuse to me!.
Why the name of Zion!?
Deloris is much more touching, and saddening!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really liked and thought that this poem had great form, even thought the use of the word Zion had me dreading a religious fanatic, the only thing I would change about this poem is this line: "And down to the water and downer it went!." !.!.!. it is way to abstract to draw meaning from, and the word downer!?,try "down" otherwise great poem!.
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great poem loved the second part but i felt that in a first pary you were just trying to find words that ryme!. but othwise than that i loved it!. oh and im not sure that in the third part you meant low (like low to the ground) or Lo (like lo and behold) but i liked it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Aside from spelling "thought" wrong, I think some lines here are worded in an odd way!. Such as, "and downer it went" and "Did from that day see it so plain"!. They just sound off to me!. Give it a few tweaks like fixing that and the spelling, and I think you've got yourself a decent poem!Www@QuestionHome@Com

your poem is beautiful!. it really touched my inner soul deeply!. i believe however, despite the gracefulness of your poetry, that you should change the second verse!. it sounds rather odd and misplaced!. Www@QuestionHome@Com