Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Would you like to criticize this?


Question: Would you like to criticize this!?
Mother, is this why you hate me!?
Father, is this why you left us!?
Brother, am I where you are suppose to be!?
Lover, is this why you never call anymore!?

I did not see the car approaching!.
I never thought all my bones would be breaking!.
I did not expect to be breathing still!.

But here I am, in a tug-of-war with Life and Death!.
Connected to a machine that is both cruel and kind!.
I closed my eyes for a minute!.

I guess it's already been three years since I did!.


----it's not really a formal poem or anything!.!.!.spoken word, maybe!.!.but i dunno!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think you mean critique but I am not sure I want to!. Usually, I have lots of comments!. It is very compelling and definitely poetry!.

Two things!.

needs a title
connect last line to the stanza above it

Well done, my friend!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You've got a very abstract way of viewing things!.
Starts off quite intriguingly then gets baffled, as if you have lost confidence in your train of thought or maybe a bit reluctant to explore in public some very private feelings!.

You do have the ability to grab the readers attention and keep them reading!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

No it was amazing and your point of veiw was fascinting Www@QuestionHome@Com

I am hostage to a machine and so here I must lie
No matter how I try , all day because of lost I cry

If only I could again be free
To my family I would gladly fleeWww@QuestionHome@Com