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Position:Home>Poetry> I present a retrospective sonnet of sort, for your critique, Will you?Question: I present a retrospective sonnet of sort, for your critique, Will you!? Retrospective Introspection In retrospect her heart knows what has been Suspended in a trance disdain created Her heart, screaming harshly, lacerated Irreverently unrequited love seen His eyes so soft yet cold and empty seem Engraved upon the wall in shades of brown What saw he when he gazed upon her gown!? Heart once more in histrionics Screams Shards of broken ice falling on the floor Frozen tears, from solarplexis, shatter Tiny Opalescent fragments scatter Countenance blankly staring at the door Memories serve lethal tincture, “swallow” Anguishing, blaming, emptiness follows Nia 2008 Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Nancy, in many places this sonnet achieves a true musicality, the rhythm is so wonderful there; the flip side of that is that when it breaks even slightly it is more noticeable! You are, of course, allowed some small divergences from perfect beat to better satisfy all the other constraints of poetic composition!. I have to say that I learned a very hard lesson over the years about such matters: the magic is in the small, common words, because they are so multivalent that often they are almost poems themselves! For me to show you how to smooth your meter might require that I change some of your words, which in turn would inflect your meaning in perhaps undesirable ways, even while further enhancing the phonological aspects of your sonnet!. I will leave it to you to make these changes, and if you cannot say everything you need to say then perhaps the sonnet is too compact a form for this project!. In a sonnet, I always aim for no more than three or four megawatt words, that is heavy polysyllabic ones, and find that when I adhere to this limit my results are invariably better!. There are only a few highly musical poets on this site!.!.!. your recent work leads me to believe there will soon be one more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com memories serve lethal tincture, "swallow"!. Again, you amaze me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com When I read this I see the tip of an arrow aimed top-left!. Like all the words are pushing "In"!. It's eerie- cool!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Mirror Mirror, on the wa!.!.!.SMASH and in the shards she sees *eyes turned now I go*Www@QuestionHome@Com Retrospectively introspect me!. or is it Introspectively retrospect me!?Www@QuestionHome@Com I like it though it was hard to get the rythm of the words!.Www@QuestionHome@Com great reminder of the eyes mirroring the heartWww@QuestionHome@Com good write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |