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Question: Do you my like poem!? Anything I should add!?
Here's this poem I wrote the other day!. It's called "Broken Angel"!. Do you like it!? Should i write more!? I'd love some critism/ feedback!. Thanks! 10 points to best answer!.
She's a broken angel,
shattered and ignored,
and now she cries at night,
'cause nobody wants her anymore
A piece of her wing is chipped off,
her smile has worn away,
her halo is no longer glowing,
her gown is dirty and frayed!.
She used to be beautiful,
she used to out shine them all,
she used to be loved,
'till her great fall!.
She's been through hard times,
she's had a broken heart,
she's cried many tears,
she's been broken apart!.
People abandoned her,
when she most needed love,
that just shows what people are like,
when push comes to shove!.
Nobody cares about you,
once you've broken,
'cause they only think of themselves,
it's a rule that's unspoken!.
She's a broken angel,
shattered and ignored,
and now she cries at night,
'cause nobody wants her anymore!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Critique
Never switch from first person to secound or third person
It is difficult for someone to do if they are trying to say something and you say this or that but want it to sound like it is a truth for all people but you continue to add yourself in there!.!.
People abandoned HER
Nobody cares about YOU
( this is what I suspect is you talking about yourself and then saying YOU so as to teach a lesson about life and human nature to all of us because it is you , you are talking about !.
SHE'S a broken angel
now we the reader is back with you talking about yourself in the secound person again!.
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its really good i like it
but when it says that no one cares
about you that kind of is a little harsh
maybe you should say:
nobody cared about her
once her heart was broken
cause they were unaware of her pain
its a rule that's unspoken
if you don't like that it's okay
it's your poem but otherwise
your poem is great!
im 13Www@QuestionHome@Com
this song is great i hope you know!. you should definitely keep writing if you can continue to make songs like this you'll be racking in cashWww@QuestionHome@Com
i like it!.
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index!?!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its great! I love it and you should definitely stick to writing! Write more poems and you could become a hit!Www@QuestionHome@Com
That's really good!. I think it's great the way it is!. =)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sounds like it would be a great song!
As far as a poem!.!.!.I guess it's all about who/why are you writing it!. If you are writing it for yourself then it's expression, meaning, and fulfillment are perfect!. If you wrote this poem hoping to have it published then it's not going to fly!. Again, this is my single opinion!.!.!.but the whole thing is too cliche!.!.!.Ask yourself!.!.!.what's unique about it!? Try and separate yourself from the poem because once you post it no longer matters that you wrote it!. I hope I haven't sound overly critical!. Www@QuestionHome@Com