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Question: Poems, rate, comment, suggestions!?
1:
If i were a tree, you would be my roots,
the soft ground that i grow in,
the warm that that lifts me high
And i would be your wall
i would be your shade
a place to lean on
where I can embrace you in my leaves
I see us
as the day and the night
the sun and the moon
me, and you
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
2:
Memories pull like the shore
Coming in a whitewash
pulling you in strongly
holding you in its grip,
then receding
but only for a while
they return again
and the tide!.!.!.never comes
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
3:
The bubble around my heart is brittle
It has been popped so many times
and the residue stains my brain and burns my soul
but when it comes to you,
who popped it so softly
I am glad it was so easy to let you inWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
first stanza
warmth not warm
second stanza should start,
IF I were a wall, (not, Your!.,wall or your anything)
2
first stanza
memories cannot be the shore pulling and also the sea being pulled
the tide is the cause of the white wash and the receding unless you are in a bath tub!.
3
the word bubble confuses the reader because you are going to try to re-define a word for your use in this poem!.It is dificult for anyone to consider a brittle bubble!.
Can you see
a brittle bubble being POPPED
The word RESIDUE is used!.
residue from the insides or just the skin of this brittle bubble!?
the texture of the words do not add up!.
sorry
the words, stain,and burns, together are inconsistant with the first picture you presented---- brittle
Suggestion:
read and widen your vocabulary and meaning of the words(tools) you are going to use in order to paint a picture for your readers!.better yet, a movie for your observers!.
But most importantly====
DO NOT STOP WRITING DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PERCEPTIONS OF WHAT YOU SEEWww@QuestionHome@Com