Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> I love my poem, do you?


Question: I love my poem, do you!?
You touched my heart
you took my breath

You were the love that was the best

You kept me stand’n, here on the ground
You were the bond that kept me around

So there we go, there and then
In that world that seemed pretend
I can’t explain
The way you made me feel
the feeling was so unreal
!.
!.
!.
But…
You broke my heart
you made me bleed
you were the pain I didn’t need

You were the chains, which kept me bound
you were the hand that weighed me down

So here we are, here and now
In this world that seems so foul
I can’t explain
The way it is today
The sky is turning grey
!.
!.
!.
But…
You warmed my heart
you gave me life
you were the love i couldn't fight

you were the reason why i lived
you were the baby, and i was the crib


(the last line is only creepy if you make it creepy its supposed to be like a caring thing) any way im not done i still have much to add, this is about my last relationship Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
yes i loved it so much, it touched my heart!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Fantastic!.!.!.!.x I can't take my eyes of this poem baby wow it actually reminds me of something but I don't know what!.!.!.!. this is a great poem though I would never risk putting it up on yahoo answers!.!.!. but you did and its amazing keeps your hopes up huni you never know u might just become a poet!.!.!.!.the next Dereck Walcott!.!.!.xxxWww@QuestionHome@Com

thats a really good poemWww@QuestionHome@Com

we must first love ourselves to love our poemsWww@QuestionHome@Com

Great job, love the emotion! But to help you out, some of the rhyming feels forced, such as:
You kept me stand’n, here on the ground
You were the bond that kept me around!.

Consider adding in some adjectives to smooth out that last line so it doesn't feel so forced!. Or rearrange it a bit!.

The same goes for these lines!.
The way it is today
The sky is turning grey
!.
This poem is great, I think it just needs a little revision of adding in a little more here and there just like you said at the end!. I think the final piece will be gorgeous!

I really liked:
You broke my heart
you made me bleed
!.!.!.
You warmed my heart
you gave me life
you were the love i couldn't fight

Strong set of lines! Well done! Hope to read more of your work!.


Www@QuestionHome@Com