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Question: What you think of this poem!?
If you were a dressing gown
I would be the hanger
If you were a mashed potato
I would be the banger
If you were a fireplace
I would be your fire
If you were a light bulb
I would be your wire
As long as I’m with you,
I don’t care!.
I want to be, I need to be, I have to be, yours!.


a mate asked me to look over it and help her improve it!.
what do you think!?
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
thats a cool idea for a poem! you should join some peotry classes for fun! u get to write stories or poems and get up and read them and ask everybody wat they think! its a cool poem and i think ur "mate" did a good jobWww@QuestionHome@Com

I would change it like this:

If you were a dressing gown
I would be your hanger
If you were a mashed potato
I would be your masher
If you were a fireplace
I would be your fire
If you were a light bulb
I would be your wire
As long as I’m with you,
I don’t care!.
I want to be, I need to be, I have to be, yours!.

"Banger" changed to "masher"!. If you meant bangers as in "bangers and mash", I would keep it the same!.
And every second line to be changed to "I would be your!.!.!."

I think its a good poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

'!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
As long as I’m with you,
I don’t care!.
Laughing at me!?
Don't you dare!!'

hey, don't look for a gun now, just kidding!
and well, as long as you're with 'me', be whatever you want, 'i' don't care either:)!.!.lol!
nice piece of verse, we enjoyed the idea in disguise:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wooaa i think thats really good I like the end of it and all the way through WELL DONE on and by the way i dont know what your friends was on about go and improve because it doesnt need improving

xx
Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very very very cheesy and hackneyed!. Overused to a point!. And unoriginal!. Nice to have on a little placard on a woolly thing above a bathroom, but in general!.!.!. unimprovable!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think the language and implication hints to something quite romantic, and yet it is innocent enough in nature that even the youngest of eyes may read it and not be taintedWww@QuestionHome@Com

That's really good, I just think you need to get something to rhyme with 'yours' at the end because it kinda spoils the continuation of the rhyming you hadWww@QuestionHome@Com

Heehee!
That's really good!
The potato bit made me smile, =)
I like the idea of putting "Forever and ever" on the end- it would complete it perfectly!Www@QuestionHome@Com

at the end forver and everWww@QuestionHome@Com

What a cute poem!
I don't think it needs improving at all!.!.!. It's lovely the way it is :)

Happy writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com