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Question: Looking for guidance and criticism on my poem!?
This is actually several little poem pieces I have written over the past few days, I just threw them all together here!. Please let me know what you think of the pieces that are completed, what you would change and what you feel is strong!. I can take criticism! Thanks for the help!.
Where do I belong!?
The question to my life!.
Where have I gone wrong!?
It's Such a lonely night!.
To the stars I gaze!.
Shooting star goes by!.
Wishing I was saved,
Hoping on empty lies!.
Defenses are weakened
Losing self control
What is it I'm seekin'
Searching for my soul
I fantasize about a thought not real
when you were mine and I could feel
Your silky hair through my hands
(missing a line here :D)
I found her number in my phone
I called her up and let her know
That I'm in love, that I'm in need
of a second chance, come set me free
her voice so calm so soft and sweet,
hard to believe that I could cheat!.
A second chance I don't deserve,
Our memories I will preserve
Show me mercy,
please be kind!.
My heart is aching,
All the time!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think you should take each verse alone, create two or more that link to it in a progression of thought, and then post each one on its own merit for us to see!. You have made several good starts, now lets finish them!.
Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Absolutely beautiful! The poem flows so well it's like magic, and the story is a classic!. Is it inspired by real life!? I hope not!.!. Anyways, I was wondering why the first stanza had a different rhyme scheme than the rest!. It really throws off the next couple of stanzas, because you're not sure how they are going to play out!. Other than that, fantastic, just wonderful!. Hope you figure out that missing line, and write more sensational poems like this in the future!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's a really good poem, way better than I could do!! But its a bit confusing how it suddenly switches from life etc to talking about a person!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it, alot!.
I just wan't to say well done!.
Amazing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com