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Position:Home>Poetry> Do you like my poem. Please tell me what you think?Question: Do you like my poem!. Please tell me what you think!? Chess and Free Will
Determinism is brittle and crude Like a soap opera The story lives a sad life Bad like soft lips Kissing!. Free will frees the determinate From everything like form Where a second, a frame Is a window of choice!. So chess games form choice And freedom And futures!. The pieces like crows Black birds Winged in silloutte And shadow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It's good as it stands!. The poem could be great by making it less literal and more artistic!. The best love songs never use the word "love"!. It's implied, it's described, but it's never spelled out!. Insted of flat-out saying this is about chess (and free will), why not allude to it!? Instead of "chess", you could make a reference to an 8x8 game of ancient design!. Have you thought about arranging it more like a classic poem with structured meter!? What are you referring to when you mention, "the determinate"!? Is this the form of the word you meant to use!? As inspiration, the following are the lyrics to a great song by RUSH, who manage to make their songs nothing less than soaring poems of grand design: There are those who think that life Has nothing left to chance, A host of holy horrors To direct our aimless dance A planet of playthings We dance on the strings Of powers we cannot perceive "The stars aren't aligned - Or the gods are malign" Blame is better to give than receive!. You can choose a ready guide In some celestial voice!. If you choose not to decide You still have made a choice You can choose from phantom fears And kindness that can kill; I will choose a path that's clear- I will choose free will There are those who think that They've been dealt a losing hand, The cards were stacked against them- They weren't born in Lotus-Land All pre-ordained A prisoner in chains A victim of venomous fate Kicked in the face You can pray for a place In heaven's unearthly estate You can choose a ready guide In some celestial voice!. If you choose not to decide You still have made a choice You can choose from phantom fears And kindness that can kill; I will choose a path that's clear- I will choose free will Each of us A cell of awareness Imperfect and incomplete Genetic blends With uncertain ends On a fortune hunt That's far too fleet!. You can choose a ready guide In some celestial voice!. If you choose not to decide You still have made a choice You can choose from phantom fears And kindness that can kill; I will choose a path that's clear- I will choose free will!!! Www@QuestionHome@Com I like this one as well !. !. !. but you might have received more answers had you posted it in the Religion & Spirituality section!. I'm not saying that's what you were going for!. You just would've been drawn into the whole "free will vs!. predestination" discussion!. I like how "chess games form choice" -- freedom to choose is real, but in such a structured context where pieces can only move in certain ways within the boundaries of an 8x8 board!.Www@QuestionHome@Com there wasnt a great clear picture and words are misplaced in some places!. There are no real punctuation marks and there's a bit of just jumbling from one idea to another without effect!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I love it!. that's great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |