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Question: Critque my poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?…
I feel the coldness climbing up my legs
Knowing you love her more than me
If you gave a little thought about me
It would be the ultimate key
over there!.!.!.crying
sometimes i think im better off dying
That acts of from you with her
itsdefiantlyy not a blur
i can see it very!.!.!.very clear
no matter how many times you say you love me
i can see it in your eyes it was never meant to be
for a long time i considered myself as a mistake
nothing more than a human
nothing less than a living thing
but you consider me worthless



btw im 13
i stopped poetry for a while and i went back lol
so this is my first poetry i made in a while
so dont be too harshWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You have several replies that say your poem is very good!.!.!.if they like it, then great!. From a purely poetic standpoint, it's not as good as their comments might imply!. Understanding that the primary goal of poetry is to communicate in a non-prose way, if it communicated, it was successful!. However, there is communication, and then there is communication with style!. Your meter is erratic, which by itself is not bad, but where you rhyme, you do so as if you were reciting Rap!. That too is not bad!.!.!.unless you were not trying to Rap!.!.!.in which case you need to separate the rhymes so they don't create couplets or triplets (as in me/me/key)!. Rap, on the other hand, deliberately tries to beat up rhymes because it's trying to create a rhythm!. Now, if you were trying to create a beat/rap poem, then you would have added one last rhyme so it would have connected with "thing" with the unrhymed line in between!. For example, "like some bell without a ring"!. also, be careful of your spelling!.!.!.do at least a "spellcheck" on whatever software you used to write the poem before you post it!.

If you feel like writing again, then do so, but you need to become your biggest critic!.!.!.have someone read your poem out loud to you and pretend they wrote it!.!.!.then be honest with yourself and ask yourself, "is it effective!.!.!.does it say what I wanted to say, the way I wanted to say it!."!.!.and go from there!.

!.!.!.meanwhile, keep writing!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

i like it i just
1) don't think you should rhyme me with me (maybe say "it" the second time instead!?)
and
2) add more at the end!. something like:
"why cant you love me
you need to know more
without you my life
is a glaring locked door"
something like that!. hope i helped :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow that poem is really good im fifteen and like you i stopped writing for a while so i know how hard it is to get back to being good at poetryWww@QuestionHome@Com

Your good!.

mine!?http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your really good! You certainly have some talent!.

Yeah, I write poems too, mostly sonnets or haikus!.

Keep on writing, when you are a rich and famous poet I can tell everyone I knew you when you were just 13!Www@QuestionHome@Com

good :D

http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like the rhyming

the mood is obvious (brought me down a little bit, but i'm listening to xmas music so it's all good!)

and very deep!. good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

WOW!!!! I can feel for you!. You at 13 can see the same things I see at my age and it's WAY OVER 13!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its good! Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very very good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

surprisingly good for a 13 yr old!Www@QuestionHome@Com