This my attmpt at a sonnet for fun only will you read and comment?

Position:Home>Poetry> This my attmpt at a sonnet for fun only will you read and comment?

Question:

I slipped down on that slope, so slippery
The slope was rocky, treacherous long…
I skidded on my backside, niftily
I, still not thinking clearly, what went wrong!?
Not really knowing, what had crossed my path
I guess my step was off by quite a bit
Now surely, I’ll rush home to take a bath
No need to get worked up or in a snit
Rocks embedded deeply in my backside
My jeans, now in a state of ill repair
To say nothing of the wound to my pride
Whatever will I do, I’m in despair
I shan’t go climbing hills with you again
I’d rather stay home with paper and pen
Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Ouch!. A sonnet it tis!.

ajunker2 links say this
he's banging it on the"2" and the "4", and
ding-ding ump—ding-ding ump,
and a video of
Paula Cole - Where Have All The Cowboys Gone!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

This one
you must
add
to your profile!.
It's definitely
amusing
through out!.
The end
can be
related to
by all writers!.
In this
I have
no doubt!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love the dejected humor and self-laughter you have used here!. Nice write!Www@QuestionHome@Com

fairly good!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's a good attempt, but a little rocky!. L2 is one beat short!. The metre is not strictly iambic, and the rhyme is forced!.!.!. I like the humorous tone, but the structure is unclear apart from the three quatrains of alternate rhyme couplets with a final matched rhyme couplet that said you were trying for a form of Shakespearean Sonnet, abab,cdcd,efef,gg without marked separation!.

[Try saying ta-dum,ta-dum, ta-dum, i!.e!. unstressed, stressed, some of your lines go ta-ta-dum, dum-ta-ta-dum!. Metre is more than just the number of syllables, but also their rhythmic pattern!. A Sonnet can either be Petrarchan or Shakespearean, abba,cddc,efgefg, or abab,cdcd,efef,gg!.]
[C!.S!. Scotkin has mastered the Shakespearean Sonnet well in the last six months, take a look at some of hers!. I tend towards the Petrarchan: http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com