Is this poetically a legitimate question to ask The Man? (or The Woman)?

Question: Is this poetically a legitimate question to ask The Man!? (or The Woman)!?

Last Red Cent

Can I rent my days!?
I’ll give ‘em back to you
Just as soon
As I am through,

But; can I please
Keep my memories
For my kids and me;
That’s all I need!.

So, what do you say!?
Maybe give to the wife
Longer life,
With ‘lot less strife!.

Yes, I can see:
That it’s up to me
To “give” memories,
Yes, I will heed!.

Thanks go on your way!.
You’ll be getting the rent
When I’ve spent
My last red cent!.

*Please let me know if this works, or what doesn't work about it!. Thank you!.*

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like this!.The last two lines are great!. I only get lost on the third stanza!. It feels unnecessary to me!. But, I have an amateur eye!.
So take it for what it's worth!. I like the topic!. Very original!.!.Good write!

EDIT: Oh to answer your question!. Yes!. It is!. Although in my case I would rather buy back, not rent!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its very legit!. this would be my why:

when i pour syrup on my pancakes,
what memories i have!.
when i didnt have any syrup,
what memories are there now!.
what memories do we need,
of what memories that are served!.

i like what you have done to the famous red cent Mixtli!.
your work has wakened the day here!.
ya, ill be out back with mr shovel all day
clanging his memory now!.

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Perhaps change S3 L3 to "With lots less strife!." Other than that, your poem works well; as you know Dante' sometimes you have to use slant rhyme in place of pure rhyme to better serve making meaning!. For that understanding and setting of priorities your should be complimented!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

To rhyme or not!? That is somewhat distracting, but your call!. I liked the concept of keeping the memories yet knowing you have to give memories!. It is almost a prayer to me, said well!. Like your avatar!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think a "!?" after For My Kids and Me in S2 would work!.
And maybe add the "a" to L4 in S3 (With a lot less strife)

I enjoyed reading this one; it made sense to me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

An interesting take on the 'memory' aspect of the poem!. Excellent poetic expression in S2 with 'slant' rhyme!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Nice idea, but the erratic rhyming prevents it from being as good as it could be!. Very accessible though!. (No damning with faint praise from me!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com

A legitimate question to ask/ponder!. What memories are we leaving behind!? I like this poem -- wouldn't change a thing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This reads to me liken to a prayer, and I think it works!.
Who said, a penny for your thoughts!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is GREAT!!!
I really like this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

For what my opinion is worth! It works for Me! Sort of sounds like the story of My life! Very nice write! I did enjoy it!Www@QuestionHome@Com