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Question: Is my poem good!? plz be honest!.!?
One Year
November 28, 2008
This day has finally come
The one year mark of our relationship <3
Hope many more years to come
Some never thought we'd last this long
but we proved them wrong
I hope we last a life time
for I am so deeply in love with you
and you say
you're deeply in love with me too
You're the only reason I smile
So glad you came into my life
hoping someday to become your wife!.
You walked out of my dreams and into my life
I love you so more than you will ever know
Over the year our love grew
and it will continue to grow
And I know it sucks that we can't see each other right now,
but when we finally do get to see each other,
we will be inseparable!.
And because we can't see each other,
our love will get stronger
My love for you is stronger
and if we die, we die together
our love will be written down in history
just like Romeo + Juliet
Forever baby
my love for you will be true
Always and forever baby I'll love just you
When I'm with you I'm never blue
I think about you day and night
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
this sounds more like lyrics, very GOOD lyrics!. you'd make an excellent songwriter!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is cute and sweet!.!.But I do agree it does sound like lyrics!. With a poem all extra language needs to be cut out!. Such as the extra (the, and, me, you)!. If you want something to keep moving forwod it is good to use "ing" endings!.
And I know it sucks that we can't see each other right now,
Devistatingly, were apart now!.!.or something
Good job though!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Hon, the message is excellently clear!. Very clear!.
Here's what is needed: Ouch! here comes a suggestion!.!.!.EEEK!
Edit out ALL the unnecessary words!. It will leave the core, and the core poem will mean the very same thing!. True!
I know how hard revision is, but it is the second most important thing in writing poetry!. The most important thing is having poetry to edit!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think its good for a song!. your boyfriend will love it because YOU wrote it!. but as poem by itself!? i dont think so!.
good luck :)hWww@QuestionHome@Com
To your boyfriend, or someone that knows you maybe but to the outside world!? No!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds very middle school!. I stopped reading after the second stanza!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not perfect!.!.!. but if you're going to give it to your bf or gf they would be happy, coz it goes straight from your heartWww@QuestionHome@Com