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Question: Would you care to read my five-minute sonnet!.!.!.!?
!.!.!.composed in response to another's question:

Life is the song we sing before we fly
To distant shores from which there's no return;
We sing it to the void, with no reply,
Yet for the songs of others lost we yearn!.
Life is a quest we make to find the love
That we as children knew in mother's arms,
That we will never find 'til up above
We've full forgotten Earth and all her harms!.
Life is the trial that all who breathe must bear
And also the great gift by which they're blessed,
That wounds most deeply those who deepest care --
A song whose lyrics cannot be expressed!.
Life is the song we sing because we must;
Life is the song we sing from dust to dust!.

Don't worry, I'll be editing it, but how!? You're ideas!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
As far as the poem goes, it's pretty good!. I'd look at "we've full forgotten" and consider changing it to "And full forgotten"!.!.!.why!? because it better continues the previous line which is part of a four line rhyme pattern!. also, since you use "we" elsewhere in the poem, consider changing "They're blessed" to "We're blessed"!. Finally, the last couplet!.!.!.you might try to find a different lead to the very last line!.!.!.I'm not sure I like the repetition of "life", but "life is the song we sing" twice in a row is a little "too" repetitive!.!.!.you might do better to find a parallel or antithetical thought for the last line!.!.!.although the "from dust to dust" section is well suited for the ending!.!.!.just look for a different lead!.

As for the additional details!.!.here's the rub: when you ask for comment, you need to sit back and take what is thrown your way!.!.!.people will either like your work, or not, or not care about the work so much as getting your goat!.!.!.don't play that game, and don't argue with those who offer negative comments!.!.!.it's the price you pay for honest feedback!.!.!.it's up to you to sort the wheat from the chaff!.

!.!.!.nicely done, keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I believe that you have a very good knowledge of the purpose of life and death, also of what man can expect when he passes from this life!.
Your poem is proof of this and I for one enjoyed it, for what you wrote was in accord with gospel principles!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"Hey,,,,Thanks for blocking me,,,One less Christmas card this year" ,,,,,Back to my Question ,,,,

Who's we !?!?,,,That's right you have a hard time thinking ,,,,,Especially with all the "others up there"

-------------Have a nice night----------------

If you read between the asker & the person(cough,,,cough) above ,,,,Won't be hard to figure out ,,,"My sonnet OUR sonnet"Www@QuestionHome@Com

A series of moral sententiae and topo?!. Life is this and we do that!. It rings a lot of bells ("To distant shores from which there's no return") but doesn't involve a lot of sweat or flesh!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Clichè, boring, rotten meter, obvious rhyme, archaic in a bad way,
basically a piece of crap!. Nice try though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Horrible!.

Please use your time in a more constructive way!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

what the heck have I walked into here!? do I dare answer!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

It does not move me particularly well!. However I cannot say what it needs to do so!. The last two lines are too much similar and throw it out of synch as they rhyme consecutively rather than alternatively!. eh!?

Sir, lano is it!? did you just call me a lower primate!?
I find that a bit offensive and uncalled for, brother!.
You do not even know me!.

Mr Quaere, thank you for that clarification, it helps me understand the reason, however the words still do not move me intensely!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"No I would not"

Start over

The brain seems to have ,,,something alright ,,But what!?

"Strictly,within the guidelines,of course"

Hello ANDREW M (andyzonk),

You have received a message from another user!


From: quaere verum

Subject: your sonnet!?

Message: We are all waiting for your debut!.!.!. please favor us!. Have a lovely evening!. We are sorry you have not enjoyed our five-minute creation!.

QV

Who's we!?!? ,,,OUR five minute creation!?!? ,,,,
That's right,,, It's getting crowded inside there
by now ,,,
---------------EDIT-------------
Mighty mo',,,,Just knowing you don't like it or pisses you off ,,,,,Pleases me ,,,Thanks,,,Www@QuestionHome@Com