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Question: Please answer! do you like my poem!?
it's about the battle of somme
No Turning Back
Treading on the broken souls,
Blind, deaf, to the screams and cries,
They’re sprawled out on the ground like dolls,
I’m watching as the valour dies!.
A dying youth tugging at my hem,
I see despair upon his face,
I stare at him, and look away,
I can’t help him, it’s not my place!.
They say we’re fighting to achieve peace,
But it’s been a while since 1st; July,
They say they’re working to make this cease,
But they don’t care how many die!.
But still I fight; an endless dream,
I can’t retreat; I’ve gone too far,
This war has left a haunting sight,
Mother Nature’s everlasting scar!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
love it!. It has a sort of darkness eveil to it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
No!. It's metered and rhyming- which doesn't bother me personally if done in a clever way, but apparently will annoy most contemporary poets!. But, unfortunately the way in which it is done in this poem is not effectively clever!. Now, there are things you can do which will work:
Steps on blank ground of broken souls
Dry, cracked, hoarse screams are normalized
Broken limbs and shattered bodies against the mud
After a bowling ball thrown through the toy chest
That's not super great either, but you need to find clever ways to put things, and be poetically descriptive in what's happening!. Try not to use abstract imagery like honor, love, despair, valour- they don't tell the reader what to see!. Try to use concrete imagery like "petals on a wet, black bough" which is a lifted line from a poet that I can't remember his name!.!.!. and that I REALLY should!. lol!.Www@QuestionHome@Com