Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of this Ocean poem for EP?
Question: What do you think of this Ocean poem for EP!?
Ocean, thy friend
by Jellz Fisher 081115
O shun not the power of the tide
It waves to thee and calls thee “Pride”
Feel the Force of enveloping cloak
Embrace of affection that remains unspoke
Wade into the salt, feel its healing power
Spray flies with the wind like refreshing shower
Immerse thy body in its depth profound
It is here that fear doth make no sound
Renew, revive, relax, restore
Ride shifting sands back to the shore
Shun not the sea, for in the end
Thou may always return to see thy Friend
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Thank you, Jellz!. The Ocean is more than a body of water to me, as the poets well know!. You can't imagine how badly I needed this poem tonight!.
(Or maybe you can!. I think some of us have developed a psychic bond)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it is so fitting that someone called Jell(y)z Fish(er) should write such an attractive poem about their home!. Of course, Lewis Carrol would have noted that "wading" is not the strong suite of your jelly fish, and that when they "Ride shifting sands back to the shore" they are liable to stay there, looking rather like a puddle of aspic, and not at all renewed, revived, relaxed nor yet restored!. But perhaps I am reading too much into all this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's beautiful!.
By reading this, I can tell that it's a narrative poetry!. Correct me if I'm wrong!.
Now to criticize this!.
You should add some metaphors and do not misuse your similes!. And if you know how to use a Cognitive Metaphor, it'll make you become a great poet!. The cognitive metaphor of a website is the association of the site concept to an experience outside of a site's environment!. It is used to enhance the level of comfort the user experiences using the website since this association relates the navigational schemes, processes, and informational areas of a site to something familiar!. For example, a tabbed metaphor can be used in a site for organization of information because users can relate the site's organization to that of using a file drawer of tabbed file folders!. This relationship between the file drawer containing folders allows a user who is unfamiliar with a website to navigate it comfortably and with less aggrivation!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It feels as if you are trying to write as some-one else and so your natural wit is lost!.
(unspoke sounds awkward to my ears!.!.!.and unspoken won't rhyme)
Then 'spray flies' sounds as if you've got the old fly-spray out) and the first line of the last verse sounds like an advertisement for a shower gel !.!.!.so, this time (in fact I think for the first time ever on one of your poems) it isn't to my taste!.
Sorry to be so blunt!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Renew, revive, relax, restore
Ride shifting sands back to the shore;;;;
I loved these lines!!
It is quite good!!
I have no idea what "for EP" means but I enjoyed it although the ending seems clipped!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very nice Jellz! Anyone would feel honored to have such a poem as this written for them!. I can smell the salty air!.!.good write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'm sure she will love this! I really like the third verse!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well, you can always rely on me to give you an honest answer if nobody else will!. The rhyme is too forced in places, and the meter is inconsistent!. Strictly amateurs-ville, Jellz - needs a lot of work!. Now give me a t/d and get it out of your system!. (And I think you mean "not" instead of "now" in your A/D edit!.)
And please note that someone seems to be waiting 'til I leave an answer and then giving the other answers the thumbs down, seemingly to make it look as if they came from me!. I am responsible for none of the t/ds or t/us on this page!. (Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get me!.)
And Jellz, when I left my answer your "correction" wasn't there!. Naughty, naughty!. If it had have been, I wouldn't have mentioned it!.
I'll have to check on the times if I can work out how to do it, but I can assure you that when I hit the "answer this question" button your edit was definitely not there!. I had to think about what I was going to say as I typed my response, so perhaps by the time I hit the preview and submit button you had added it by then, but it wasn't there to begin with!. I reiterate, if it had been, there would have been no reason for me to bring it to your attention, now would there!? Your apology for the poem is accepted!. And don't pay any heed to myles!.!.!.he's talking out of his nether regions!.Www@QuestionHome@Com