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Question: Do you like my poem!!?
"A Better Place"

I take a look at this beautiful
but tragic world!.
With the wars,famine,and murders
you can't help but let the wind take
your thoughts to a better place!.

A place of wild forest trees!.
Of carefree fields with flower
bedding just waiting for attention!.
Of wind that sings a lullaby
as it blows through your hair,
high on a cliff ,overlooking an
ocean of furious beauty!.

A place where everything is full
of energy and it empowers you!.
And you feel alive and well under
those angelic clouds passing you
by, for the very first time!.

You close your eyes to the
sound of waves hushing your
thoughts and you go with the flow!.
No worries,no need to pick up your pace!.
The world isn't going to pass you by!.
You're in a better place!.

A!.Jay Harmony

October 31,2008

Age:14Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
"ocean of furious beauty" now that is a truly poetic and profound line!. i do like the poem, very much!. my only suggestion would be to either concentrate on the rhyme (make the rhyming phrases more central to the poem) or forgo them all together and just let the poem flow out!. Play with the shape of the lines, read the poem out loud and see how the words arrange themselves rather than breaking them up as you did here!. you may find an arrangement you like better!.!.!. or you may come back to this original one!. poetry should be playful, even if it is about profound and deep subjects!. nice job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think that it is alright!.!.!. however with there is more that can be made from this!. I can't feel much emotion being conveyed and i think that is what poetry is about, conveying and expressing a deep emotion that you normally wouldn't be able to

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Kinda typical with the whole "tragic world" thing!.!.!.!. I've read it before!. Write what is inside you, not what you think people will like!. You could be great at this!. So write what you know!. Keep at it!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes I love it!. This place sounds like Heaven, paradise!. We live in a world we would all like to run from at some time or another!. You did a great job of describing a better place!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think that it's very truthful about the world!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes, it's beautiful!Www@QuestionHome@Com

yes, considering your ageWww@QuestionHome@Com

it's awesome i love it reminds me of the beach or at night when am outside and its windyWww@QuestionHome@Com

yes it's good poem =D You expressed yourself well in this I love it! =D
You have talent =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

awh!. i like this poem a lot! =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Love it!!.!.!. you have a giftWww@QuestionHome@Com

i didnt really like it!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com