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Question: Please help me with my poem!.!.!.!?
Well, I'm trying to write a classic sort of fairy tale poem but in the form of a story!. It's basically about a rich girl who is set to marry the prince, but who is really in love with a poor peasant boy, she follows her heart and runs away to him and it's gonna end in a kiss!. I know it's long n kinda cheesy but I've only got half way atm!.

Please help me with some lines and words if they need changing, if anyone could write a follow on verse or 2 from where I've reached up to so far or just offer me any advice it would be greatly appreciated, thanks

An angry father, a frightened mother,
A worried sister, a happy brother!.
A nervous town lying in wait,
Awaiting the news of my fate!.
For I am gone, but where and when!?
Their question is 'will it happen again!?'

A soon to be princess vanishing from sight,
While they were enraptured by their dreams in the dead of the night!.
The people are in a state, not knowing who to believe,
Wondering when death next cries out, who it shall receive!.
Because there's no doubt about it, I wouldn't run away,
Death must have snatched me, to my mothers dismay!.

Stabbed, stoned, skewered or shot!?
What was this killers mysterious plot!?
Like the one little lamb not where it should be,
For hours they've been searching, searching for me!.
But they will not find me dead, my dainty heart still beats,
It won't stop now, it must keep going, like the hands of a clock it repeats!.

I know I'm causing them grief, I know I'm causing them sorrow,
But do they know what it's like, to be in constant dread of tomorrow!?
If my mother knows, I've sunk to something so viole,
There would be no point in this, it would not be worthwhile!.
There's two faces to Master Medgold, the charming and the cruel!.
I'm the only one who's seen the cruel, he doesn't trust the rest, to me he calls them fools!.

'The perfect young man!' My mother exclaimed with glee,
But he's so far from perfect, why does she fail to see!?
If I spoke up, they wouldn't believe, the truth about Harry Medgold,
They can't see past his smiling eyes to a heart so icy cold!.
I've fought with myself for months, the decision is now made,
In time they will forget me, my image will slowly fade!.

And now the rain whips my face with slaps so bitter and malign!.
The rain splashes and wipes away any sign of my crying!.
My cloak hides who I am as I scurry along,
I know I'm doing the right thing, so why does it feel so wrong!?
I can't pretend to be happy anymore,
Riches and wealth are not what I adore!.

I take off my ring, it no longer shall be worn!.
The ring signals a bond, but that bond has been torn!.
Two people who marry shall love, two peopl who love shall marry,
He's not the one I love, I cannot marry Harry!.
If I don't obey his rules, he won't take my hand in marriage,
I won't obey him anymore, I've finally found the courage!.

I know it's a little late to leave and I'm sure you will agree,
But away from the town, away from them is where I want to be!.
To marry Harry tomorrow is not my destiny,
Because I want to be out of their world, I want freedom, I want to be free!.
I know the marriage would make my family wealthy,
But they don't seem to see, that it's not about them, it's about me!.

(that's all I've got so far and I'm stuck as to how to move the story onwards)

(oh btw, if anybody actually read all that, u must have a lot of patience lol)Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
don't worry about those rude comments, people who like poetry would really like it!. i like it myself, because its real, not just some stupid roses are red poem, you put your heart into it, sadly i can't think of anything, but good luck and don't listen to others!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like it, I don't think its cheesy, just too long!. Maybe cut it into two poems, like part 1 and part 2!? Its good though, your talented!. And the rude comments you got, ignore them, they obviously don't understand the art of writing!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

I don't like the plot or the way you write it!.!.!. why don't you just write a story!? It sounds a bit too complex for poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it so far :) good use of couplets, awsome ryhme scemeWww@QuestionHome@Com

This is gruel!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I didn't read the entire thing, or even most of it, but I could tell right away that it insists entirely upon itself!. Don't take yourself so seriously!. Try something like:

Jews are Jewish
Obama's a Black
Violets are Bluish
Obama's also a Muslim!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

uhm well i didn't understand what was happening until near the end!.
It is pretty long, but it is also good!.
I think you might be going too in depth though!.
I like the moral of marrying for love not money!. Hope it comes out well good luckWww@QuestionHome@Com

You could go on to write about what the character plans to do next now that she's run away!.

And it would be great if you try to shorten it a bit ,no one nowadays has the patience to read something so long!. Just my views, dont take offence!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I can't imagine anybody wanting to read that much poetry from an unpublished writer!. Poetry is bad enough as it is!. Try something like

Roses are fed
A bunch of goo
They ordered bread
And mistakenly got gooWww@QuestionHome@Com