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Question: How is my poem, please be honest!?
It's suppose to be a sonnet!. Please be honest!. WARNING: I SUCK at poems!!! So please help if u see any mistakes or give me another idea of how to do another poem!.
Well the name of the poem is:
Violence and anxiety
Violence is not right!. People getting hurt, families getting killed!. Anxiety is the worst feeling inside!. You always feel different!. It's dark outside!. You walk with fear!. All you feel is anxiety inside of you!. Then you hear gun shots "bang bang bang"!. You duck down to be safe!. You don't want to be killed!.
It gets even darker, the only thing bright is the moon!. So bright you cant feel sight!. You feel alone and sad!.Those wounds inside of you cant heel!. That frown needs to be upside down!. Don't wonder around alone in the dark, just don't think your down!. Cheer up, let the violence go away; let the anxiety fade away!.!.!.
hahahah I know it really sucked!. I really need you opinion!.
thanks!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Shows promise!.!.!.
If you're trying to keep a uniform structure between the two halves of the poem you need to really try to stick to identical structure, not just get pretty close, so revise the punctuation!.
"bang bang bang"!.!.!.that not right!? !.!.!."bang Bang BANG"!.!.!.anxiety will bring the noise closer and Closer like being trapper in a shrinking room right!?
First half doesn't really have a lot of rhyme, so don't try to force a rhyme in the second half!. Are bright and sight the words that you really want to use!?
"let the violence go away; let the anxiety fade away!.!.!." that's the wrong way around isn't it!? the anxiety is the sickness, and the memory of the violence is the symptom right!? so should it be treat the illness and the the symptom goes away!.
let the anxiety go away, and the violence Will fad away!.!.!.
just somethings to think about!.!.!.
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This is a nice poem!.
i suggest:You should go deep inside !.
Use more words to describe that will make it more appealing!.
_______________________
Mind spending some of your valuable time to answer my questions!?
You answers mean a lot to me!.
1> What would you think, if i commented on your picture with these words!?
For girls/ see from their point of view:
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2> What Do You Think About These Words!?:
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Thanks have a nice day
al yoz
~fiazio
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Well no it isn't a brilliant poem!.!. actually I read it almost like a story or a diary!. Try adding a bit more of a point to your writing, also write it so that it has flow and imagery!. Good luck, and keep writing my friend :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
%$##@@$%^&&*(^************#$%$% i just dont feel its flow!. but i feel u can be a great author!. think of writing a story, something like a novel thing!. gud luck , oh, n when u finish, pliz paste it here, i know its gonna be great n i just cant wait to read it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
A little abrupt ending!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A pessimist ending would have worked better!.
For improvement use metaphors instead of simple lines!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It doesn't suck, but you didn't follow the sonnet form!.
A sonnet is a subjective poem with 14 lines and a complicated rhyme scheme of either the English (Shakespearean) abab cdcd efef gg, or the Italian (Petrarchan) abba abba cde cde!.
Each line should be on its own line (the sentences should be separated)
In English sonnets, the first three quatrains should be talking about different things, and the finishing couplet should sum up all your points!.
In the Italian, the first octave should present a problem or issue, the sestet should present the resolution!.
You have potential :)
Answer mine!?
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http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
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Does it have to be a sonnet!? I mean, is it an assignment, or is it something you wanted to write out for yourself!?
If it's a poem that doesn't need to rhyme, there are some improvements you could make, without having to start over from scratch!.
The first part expresses some very evocative ideas!. But the ending doesn't work!. It tries to be light and airy!. Maybe it was meant to describe the way in which people choke back their true feelings in order to carry on in spite of horrors all around them!.!.!.!? If that is the case, I'd work on expressing that better!. You see, it is impossible for Violence and Anxiety to wrap up on a cheerful note!.
Btw, I liked the poem and think you should hang on to it!. Maybe you'll want to work on it some more one of these days, or maybe it will give you ideas for a new one!. :) Www@QuestionHome@Com