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Question: Poem - what you think!?
What’s the point of being in love, when the feelings aren’t rescinded
The daily warmth tinged with the pain of the love that isn’t returned
Pain, hope, futility, fantasy mixed up churning
A emotional promise of a future continually smashed then reborn to be smashed again
The hearing of a voice, a smile lifts the spirit
The images that batter the mind, a screaming pain pushed out for moments to protect
The feeble mind just wanting the love, just wanting the touch
Just wanting you!
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The poem opens with a direct question, i!.e!. ‘What’s the point of being in love’, that it thereupon by elaborating its point by kindling emotions that are ‘mixed up churning’!.
The state of being in love here has come to be a state of ‘warmth tinged with pain’, as when love is not ‘returned’, which is a powerful point for objection that this poem is hinged upon!. But then the whole sense gets further intensified all of a sudden with the ‘images that batter the mind’!. This is a general phrase that in my view means to convey a metaphorical sense of white-hot iron on anvil just before it is hit for a shape in this case with the force of ‘the feeble mind just wanting the love’!. The mind in this case is the furnace where the metallurgical operation upon heart is taking place!.
The poem basically is a pleading for love, but in its pleading it remains reasonable, powerfully consistent and self-sufficient throughout!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The first line could use a question mark at the end of it,
also I don't know if the word "rescinded" is the right word, did you mean requited!?
Apart from that it seems that this poem is written in a moment of despair and anger, and hurt, and that makes it very powerful - I think with a bit of editing it will be greatWww@QuestionHome@Com
It is open and full of the complexity of a Love not
really returned, not really fulfilling!.
I could completely go there!.
I have also been there so , hey i know and felt it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it needs a little more rythm
like a beat
so maby make the line a bit more equal in length
hope i helped
x
and i kno how you feel
dont worry
it'll b ok in the end
=]Www@QuestionHome@Com
I would definitely work on the rhythm!. the biggest problem for me is the subject: unrequited love!? I think that has been overdone!. You have talent; keep working on it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very 'in your face' and if I recieved it, I would be very scared!. Why not try to say these things using a sustained metaphor!.!.!.disguise the anguish a little!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
okayWww@QuestionHome@Com
i think its a good peomWww@QuestionHome@Com