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Position:Home>Poetry> Visiting angels.....?Question: Visiting angels!.!.!.!.!.!? visiting angels
the loveliest kind who take hold of your heartache then leave you behind heavenly bodies lips brush my ear when she whispered forever but would soon dissapear hanging on barely await her return I've been touched by her fire but fear not the burn years become lifetimes hope frayed and torn with all of the pictures now faded and worn lovely and gentle lost in this place you just cant keep an angel in a sinners embrace Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Bravo! I like this! But I do disagree! I think an angel has every reason to hang on to that sinner with an embrace of her own! Good write!. Kudos!.Www@QuestionHome@Com if you got rid of the just I'd think it would flow a bit better, and i say one spelling error, neither of these things are a very big deal but if you plan on publishing it(which I'd recommend you do, i loved it) they have to be corrected!. dissapear is disappear!. Overall i loved the rhyme and the reason!. =) it was lovely!. my favorite two lines were: I've been touched by her fire but fear not the burn and i loved how everything rhymed without ruining the rhythm!. Www@QuestionHome@Com This is pretty good!. The rhythm is off just a little in a few places - I would eliminate 'who' in the third line, and would say "but soon disappeared"!. In the next to last time I would eliminate the word 'just'!. Of this word John Lennon said it's a space filler and nothing more!. It also disturbs the rhythm!. Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com Pete- In L9, barely doesn't work to end that line!. 2nd to last line, remove the word "just"!. This is good, nice rhythm and flow!. Personify the attributes of the subject matter for bigger impact!. I enjoyed it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Nice, but I'd make the meter more consistent and correct he spelling mistake!. ("Disappear"!.) I was going to say that I hope my suggestions won't make you angry, but considering your name there's not much point!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Wow, Pete, I loved this! Sad, but true to many!. Glad to see ya back up and posting!.!.!.!.!.your pen is always a great read!. maWww@QuestionHome@Com hey man this poem is truly amazing!. i really like it i can connect with it and thats awesome!. like to read some more cuh! keep up the workWww@QuestionHome@Com Ooo, beautiful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I agree with Gavin, take out the filler words but this is a very nice poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com that's cute!Www@QuestionHome@Com |