Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my poems? I'm 13?


Question: What do you think of my poems!? I'm 13!?
I am 13 years old!. I don't just write poems, i'm trying to write a book, i wrote a 300 page draft, but it took ages!. so now i'm re writing the whole thing!. You don't have to read them all, just give me some feedback!.!. xxx


Cocking his ear to the side,
Feathers of hair brushing his cheek!.
He loved it when she cried,
To hear that frightened shriek!.

Only once he had heard her,
Gagging on tortured sorrow!.
Only on occasion did emotions stir,
And awaken on the morrow!.

“Why don't you cry!?”
He asked her,
The response a shuddering sigh!.
She gave him a look of ice,
And fled in a tangled blur!.

He wished her heart would melt,
Drool from the corners of her eye!.
Where was the suffering she felt!?
The pain so easy to apply!.



A sheet of dying rose petals,
Fell upon her face!.
Her heart was a bush of nettles,
She used as a hiding place!.

A head of auburn waves,
A hand of ivory bone!.
Love is what she craves,
No longer to be alone!.

Eyes like dewy pits,
And a soul of none but lead!.
Emotions cut up, cut up into bits,
Several directions to head!.!.!.


Breath echoes
Why is it!.!.!.!.
That your breath echo's in the rain!?
Are you attempting to build a rhythm,
That may demolish the pain!?

How can you!.!.!.
Hide your mouth under that veil!?
Are you trying to shield your cries,
Before the storm grows stale!?

Why do you!.!.!.
Swallow the screams in your lust!?
Are you trying to grind the surprise,
Into nothing but dust!?

Who is it!.!.!.
In the shelter of that curtain!?
Will you hide who you should be,
Until your stranger is certain!?

Why can I!.!.!.
Still smile at your melodious laugh!?
Even if it's false,
Even though truth is behind glass!?


Crosstalk
Considering every emotion I have laid down,
Trespassing every thought that I have swallowed!.
Dissolving every smile into!.!.!.
Into a concentrated frown,
Seeking every movement that I have followed!.

Breathe! And let your love ripple,
Let it spread out into a dozen rings!.
Grind the hatred it does cripple,
Soar like a!.!.!.
Like a dove on eagles wings!.

I'll feed your soul with the knowledge,
That I have moulded with bloody claws!.
I'll tell you things that!.!.!.
Things that no being could acknowledge,
If you let me drag your self-being over marble floors!.

Oh, my children with skin so warm,
I delight in you, I delight in the fact that you walk!.!.!.
That you think, that you move, that your heart beats!
I know you may follow the dead side of crosstalk,
But I tell you to ignore!.


As her tail slipped soundly through the waves,
I beckoned my legs into the water!.
She was slithering through under water caves,
She was the oceans daughter!.

Algae was stitched up her spine,
Her skin was a marble green!.
Down her tail was a jagged line,
Never again would she be seen!.

As I watched her shadow pass,
Deep within the harbour!.
My eyes were like broken glass,
Her voice was like drooling lava!.

I waited for my realisation to clear,
For her existence to fade die as the waves caught her!.
Yet her presence would always stay near,
For she was the oceans daughter!.


When you find this message,
You must promise me one thing,
You will ignore this presage,
That has broken my angels wing!.

It'll be easier to tell you when written,
It'll blind your minds eye!.
The thing is, I'm not human,
That's why I'm saying goodbye!.

I have nothing other to give you,
Apart from this soft farewell!.
Tell yourself that I'm not true,
That I'm running from the darkest cell!.

I have something else to say,
But please, do not cry!.
Just know this is my final day,
That I belong in the sky!.


I pass your crimson sheets,
Avoiding the feminine eye!.
As my absent gaze meets,
I suppress a lonely sigh!.

Once you have my thought,
How can I turn away!?
I'm a moth that has been caught!.
Your love I can't repay!.

I was the reason you left,
You didn't want me to die!.
I stole all sense of freedom,
Now I know,
Love, you cannot buy!.

You had to say goodbye,
And lend me a weeping face!.
Do angels really cry!?
Because it's my tears that you trace!.


She shuddered in the corner,
Her dark curls down her spine!.
Her pounding heart calling,
"She committed no crime!"

Her bloodshot eyes were gazing,
At an empty space on the wall!.
The pressure was amazing,
They thought she broke the rule!.

Her comfort were her tears,
Here rosy cheeks were white!.
Her hope were faded fears,
And Joy had turned to fright!.

The rule had been kept,
But they trusted not a word
While the real criminal slept,
Her punishment she endured!.


She lies on a bed of roses,
Her autumn skin alight!.
A smile she imposes,
And whispers through the night!.

Her lover strokes her face,
And they share a solemn kiss!.
She pulls from the embrace,
Nothing else exists!.

With laughing eyes of green,
And long, protective arms!.
He moulds a loving scene,
All anxiousness he calms!.

The shadow of their lips,
Crush swiftly in the dark!.
He presses Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i love your poems they really are very good!. espically the one with the angels wing!. keep trying, keep writing!. dont get discouraged and if you want to write a book write one!. i wrote a novel, it took me 3 years to finish it and i still havent gotten it published but i feel very accomplished!. try contest and talking to publishers, good luck!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I actually don't like poems, but these seem okay!.

probably takes u at least 10 mins 2 write each one!.

When I had 2 do poems i got 4's it did take me 10 mins but they were boring!.Www@QuestionHome@Com